From Wimbledon To The Bedroom: Why We’re Still Embarrassed About Sex Noises

From the unmistakable grunt that follows a powerful hit to the victorious roar at Wimbledon, athletes making noise is so normal that most of us barely notice it.

Yet move that same reaction into the bedroom, and it's a completely different story.

Despite sex becoming more openly discussed than ever before, many of us are still oddly self-conscious about the sounds we make during it. 

New research from Lovehoney found that half of Brits feel embarrassed about making noise during sex, a reminder that, for all our conversations around pleasure and sexual wellness, there's still plenty of pressure around how we think we’re "supposed" to sound.

According to sex and relationships therapist Annabelle Knight, the issue isn't volume – it's self-awareness.

“We’re often completely fine with people being vocal during sport or physical exertion, but in the bedroom there’s still a lot more taboo attached,” Annabelle tells BuzzFeed.

The problem isn't making noise, it's thinking about making noise

There's no rulebook for what sex should sound like. Some people are naturally more vocal, others barely make a sound, and both are completely normal.

The problem starts when we stop responding instinctively and start performing.

"There is no correct way to sound during sex," Annabelle says. "People start worrying about how they're coming across or whether they're doing it right, and that pulls them out of the experience."

It's the same reason psychologists talk about “spectatoring” – the moment you start "watching" yourself instead of experiencing what's happening. Instead of enjoying intimacy, you're mentally editing your reactions in real time.

Why does everyone suddenly become self-conscious?

The findings from Annabelle's work with Lovehoney suggest the issue is far from niche, "highlighting a real disconnect between what's natural and what people feel they're 'allowed' to do."

Part of the answer lies in the way we've been taught to think about sex.

While physical noises are expected in almost every other setting, from the gym, the football pitch, to the tennis court, sex remains wrapped up in ideas of privacy.

"It's a combination of things, but context and culture definitely play a huge role," Annabelle says. "Social media and porn can influence expectations around how sex is 'supposed' to look or sound, which can make people more self-conscious in real life."

When our understanding of sex comes from unrealistic portrayals rather than real-life experiences, it's easy to start wondering whether we’re somehow getting it wrong.

The pressure looks different for everyone...

Although everyone experiences insecurity differently, Annabelle says there are some recurring patterns.

Women often feel pressure to sound a certain way, influenced by years of media portraying what pleasure "should" look like. Men, meanwhile, can feel the opposite pressure – to stay composed, in control, or avoid appearing vulnerable.

Ultimately, though, neither experience is about gender as much as confidence.

The healthiest sex, Annabelle argues, isn't the loudest or the quietest. It's the one where nobody is worrying about how they're being perceived.

Maybe it's time we stopped treating pleasure differently

We celebrate athletes for expressing themselves physically. We cheer footballers who scream after scoring and tennis players whose grunts echo around Centre Court. Yet when similar sounds happen during sex, many of us try to suppress them.

Perhaps that's the real double standard.

"It doesn't matter whether you're loud, quiet or somewhere in between," Annabelle says. "Authentic reactions are far more important than performative ones."

Because if making noise is simply part of being human, maybe the bedroom shouldn't be the one place where we feel we have to censor ourselves.

“I really believe it should be about authentic expression, not silence driven by embarrassment or pressure to perform,” Annabelle shares. 

In an effort to normalise the expression of pleasure, Lovehoney launched a ‘Strawberries and Scream’ campaign to normalise conversations around sex. 

“Campaigns like this also challenge the idea that there’s a ‘right' way to express pleasure,” Annabelle notes. “I’d love for people to take away the message that authentic reactions are far more important than performative ones.”

“Feeling secure and comfortable in your own skin when it comes to sex and relationships comes from feeling confident that you can be your true self, instead of trying to meet unrealistic expectations.”

Additional photo credits: Lovehoney

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