The Sex Lives of College Girls Recap: Parental Takeover

The Sex Lives of College Girls
Episode 5
Season 3 Episode 5
Editor’s Rating ★★★
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It’s Parents’ Weekend at Essex! You know, the grand and glorious tradition where you drag your parents around for a day in exchange for a nice dinner while praying you can keep the messier parts of your new life to yourself. It’s quite the tightrope to walk, but our foursome valiantly tries with, uh, let’s say … varying degrees of success? And you know it’s all leading up to a big old dinner where everything comes to light because that’s how TV works, baby! 

Bela shocked the hell out of me by actually doing work for her psych class! Our girl is taking a class and doing the work for it? This new leaf is really turned over! Of course, her new leaf still looks suspiciously like her old one — the goal of her study is to prove that women are just as horny as men. She hands out little clickers to the roommates, instructing them to click when they think about sex. Now, is Bela trying to avoid the fact that Arvind is currently single but still hasn’t asked her out by focusing on the science of lady horndogs? Yes! And she’s trying to avoid any scenario where Arvind might meet her parents. Having real feelings for someone is enough; Bela doesn’t have the mental space to deal with her parents meeting him and liking him, too. She’s got a point: Arvind was literally made in a lab for parents to be obsessed with. 

In other news, Kimberly has been ignoring Eli. She likes him, but he likes to party in a way that, frankly, Kimberly simply isn’t capable of. Also, it is simply unforgivable to leave a rave newbie like Kimberly stranded in a barn in Vermont rolling on molly! Still, she can’t quite make herself break up with him. Plus, she is hyperfocused on her ethics professor, TIG NOTARO, who is perfectly deployed here. Professor Friedman is running a super-exclusive con-law symposium, and even though she usually only takes upperclassmen, she thinks Kimberly has what it takes to apply. Sadly, another thing Kimberly and I have in common is a deep desire to impress authority figures, so I can kind of forgive her for forgetting to break up with Eli in light of this momentous and thrilling opportunity. This does mean, of course, that when she runs into him with her mother, she can’t figure out a way to get out of inviting him to dinner. Honestly, I do kind of respect Eli for hopping on that free dinner bandwagon, as that was mostly what I was focused on in college. 

I am sure no one is surprised to hear Kacey describe her mom as “her best friend,” right? My fingers were crossed for guest-star greatness in this role, and the TV gods heard me! Missi Pyle! Who is ever mad to see Missi Pyle? (If you are, stop reading this and get some taste!) I was so delighted to see her that I was untowardly generous to her character and was actually disappointed when she started nitpicking Kacey’s looks and weight. I really should have known she was going to be a nightmare, as we have seen the daughter she raised! 

If we can all take a moment to cast our minds back to the first season, you might also remember that it included a little more insight into Whitney’s dad and his tendency to always be off touring and never around for her. This time, Senator Chase is unable to attend (“She got bit by the president’s dog”), and Whitney’s reaction to her dad being in town feels like that of a kid who is used to their parents disappointing them. She can’t stop talking about how cool he is and how good he is at music, but she never really talks about his ability to be there for her, so I’m not sure if they’re trying to retcon this relationship or if they just forgot. Either way, Whitney has enough going on with school and Isaiah and dealing with the fact that her “amelodic-neo-jazz”-playing dad is so hot, her roommates keep clicking their horny-thoughts buttons. 

Oh, also, Taylor is at dinner because she has a dead dad and a mom who is so absent that she doesn’t have her daughter’s number saved in her phone. At this point, it kind of feels like they just want another queer blond woman around to be mean to the rest of them? Taylor is pretty well behaved at dinner and even defends Kacey when her mom discovers Kacey and Calvin broke up. Honestly, everyone’s parents are dialed up to 11 during the meal. Kimberly’s mom can’t stop agreeing with Eli and inviting him to more events over the weekend, causing Kimberly to finally lose her cool and blurt out that she, in fact, wants to break up with Eli, not take him to the cool library that is four hours away. They step outside to discuss, agree to stay friends, and then … Eli returns to dinner? It’s such a wild choice that the foursome has to text about it under the table. The man really wanted his free dinner! I get it! 

Eventually, the parents get to talking about “triggers” and how mental health is made up, hitting all the classic boomer talking points. Whitney sides with her dad, saying that, mathematically, everyone can’t need therapy. Girl, you doth protest a bit too much! And the receptionist at Mental Health Services knows it! Honestly, finding your dad on a dating site and then letting Kimberly accidentally swipe right on him is reason enough to book at least four sessions. Instead, she talks to her dad, who tells her all of the success in the world isn’t worth it without someone to share it with. Hmm, how will she take on this advice, I wonder? Perhaps by asking Isaiah on a real date! And parent-sponsored romance is in the air, as Bela’s parents drop her at Arvind’s palace (seriously, what is that housing situation, and how can I move in?) after dinner. She confesses she just got too in her head because she likes him, and before she can finish apologizing, he kisses her. Her parents are clapping in the background; it’s cute! And, because the TV gods love me, even Missi Pyle gets a sweet moment with Kacey as they walk home, accepting her daughter’s choice to break up with Calvin, even if it means their Christmas cruise is ruined. Bravery comes in so many forms, doesn’t it? 

Office Hours

• I loved all the conferences the girls had in the bathroom during dinner! There are so many stories to keep straight, and they all need a moment to talk about how hot Whitney’s dad is! 

• “Pretty shows up pretty late, but beauty makes an entrance.” Okay, well, THANK YOU for that gem. 

• Bela pretending that they call Calvin “Big C” somehow made me laugh more than anything else. Perhaps because it would also be a great nickname for me? 

• “If my mom and Eli find one more thing in common, I’m gonna have to call in a bomb threat. He better not have a sister with GERD.” 

• I like that Kacey is still being kind of a bitch? Change takes time, and she just got here!