The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap: Candid Camera

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Boss Up or Shut Up
Season 7 Episode 6
Editor’s Rating ★★★★
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The ladies are back from their trip to San Francisco, which means Mary is thankfully back on our screens. She gets tea at Angie’s house, and by tea I mean that they’re drinking wine out of a teapot and eating what seems to be pickles off of plates with the price tag still on them. Mary sees that they cost “499,” but it’s unclear whether that’s $4.99 or $499, and I, honest to God, have no idea which it is. I can’t imagine Angie paying five bucks for a plate, but I also think anybody who would pay almost $500 should be institutionalized, so I can’t take this on. 

In any case, soon enough Angie is giving Mary a rundown of what she missed on the trip beat for beat like she’s doing a “And that’s what you missed on Glee.” All of that, and I truly mean all of that, leaves Mary confused because the last time she saw all of the women was during the moment of peace they all found at her place. So in an attempt to get back to that place, Mary decides she has to gather them — both figuratively and literally — to get things back on track.

But before that, Britani is hosting a 21st-birthday party for her daughter Olivia, where she faces yet another indignity when one of her daughter’s friends mistakenly calls her “Brooklyn.” This poor woman will never know peace nor respect, but how fun is it to watch? And besides, it’s just a miracle that this event is even happening at all, given how tumultuous her and Olivia’s relationship used to be. They were once totally estranged, and now she gets to be there for Olivia’s first drink, which I would think was a lie if it weren’t for the Mormonism of it all. Having grown up Catholic, it’s always so fascinating to see a religion that’s conversely against drinking alcohol. I can’t relate.

At the party, Bronwyn fills them in some more about selling her house, to which Britani quickly asks how much it sold for. God bless her and her lack of shame. But the real development comes when Britani says that because Todd can still see her credit card statement, he caught on when she went down to Florida to meet Brandon’s parents. The women all agree that it seems a little soon, but maybe Bronwyn just needed someone to reminisce with about the ’80s. 

Then it’s on to Mary’s “boss brunch,” where she’s intent on getting these women’s lives together. First up is Whitney, whom she pointedly thanks “for being responsible” upon seeing her take a sip of water instead of alcohol, and Whitney once again acknowledges her public intoxications, saying that she’s going through a lot at the moment. But what is “a lot,” Lisa wonders? Since Whitney isn’t ready to share about her separation, Lisa thinks she’s yet again alluding to some vague personal struggle as a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. Even though we do know that Whitney is being very honest, I get Lisa’s frustration, even though I wish she’d say the same when Meredith pulls that same trick. It’s a little bit of hypocrisy if you ask me … maybe someone should write a song about that. 

Speaking of Lisa and Meredith’s song, it doesn’t take long for that to come up, but Meredith very firmly asserts that it wasn’t directed at Bronwyn. Bronwyn isn’t so sure about that, and when she interrupts to say as much, Meredith fires back with, “Can you seal your mouth like your lawsuits?” See, this is a perfect example of a read still landing beautifully, even though it was clearly written and rehearsed in advance. There’s an art to these things, and Meredith always knows how to deliver a line without it sounding canned or forced. 

While they maintain that they thought Bronwyn would find it funny, Meredith shockingly ends up delivering a genuine apology for hurting her feelings, and Mary couldn’t be prouder. Whitney, on the other hand, is jealous, since she’s never been able to get an apology out of Meredith once in the past seven years. She says that aliens will invade, dinosaurs will come back, and we’ll have a female president before Meredith would ever apologize to her. God, I at least hope that last one is true. 

Then everybody turns their attention to Lisa, but she doesn’t have any apology to offer. “I’ll write a check; I’m not giving an apology,” she says, and if Bronwyn were a more interesting Housewife, she’d ask for the check. The way this divorce is going, I think she might end up needing it. When she fires back at her, Lisa then mocks her for bumming a cigarette on the cast trip to look like a bad girl, which is such a devastating read because that’s exactly what she was doing. Eventually, Mary shuts the back-and-forth down, saying that you “can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip.” 

Besides, we apparently have a much bigger issue at hand, with Meredith taking the floor to accuse Whitney of assembling “a team of 50-year-old women” to take her down. Marvel should take note; this is what it needs to do to get me to watch an Avengers movie. But where did Meredith even get this idea from? “Me, right here,” Quai says. Oh, now this is television. Quai admits that she lied in San Francisco and was, in fact, talking shit about Meredith, but has since come clean and, as a beautiful apology gift, offered up some gossip about Whitney. Quai told Meredith that Whitney told her, “We wanted you in the group to get Meredith out.” But who is “we”? By process of elimination, Lisa surmises that it’s Whitney, Britani, Heather, and Angie — and the drama harkens back to the good old days of “taking down the Dubrows” and the RHONY girls teaming up to end Bethenny.

At some point during all of this, Quai claims that Whitney recorded their conversation — which explains why she ended up coming clean to Meredith. Apparently, she got this idea because when the conversation was first being debated in San Fran, Angie told her that she has to come clean because Whitney has cameras in the house. Angie, of course, just made that up and now clarifies that she meant that in today’s world, we live in a constant surveillance state. “The last time I got a pap smear, there was a tape recorder in there,” she says … for some reason. But I think what Angie was actually doing was the same trick you pull when you’re trying to get a lying toddler to tell the truth — threatening to check security cameras that don’t exist. Next week, I expect someone to threaten to call Santa.

After all this fighting, Mary is completely disappointed in them and tearfully tells them that she expected more from all of them. Rookie mistake, Mary. She gives talking-tos to Lisa and Whitney specifically, encouraging everyone to get to a better peace — and whether or not she’s successful, I do love Mary in this role as the mediator that they all want to do right by. 

To her credit, Whitney actually takes Mary’s advice seriously and later tries to smooth things over by inviting Quai over to her home, showing her that it is not filled with hidden cameras. It is, in this instance, filled with reality television cameras. But when it’s just the two of them, the vibe is completely different, and they’re able to make peace with ease. Clearly, the problem is when other people get involved, particularly when Quai is caught between feuding parties — so they vow to keep their friendship separate from all the crossfire in order to maintain it, and based on how this meeting went, I have hope. 

Heather and Angie, meanwhile, go to the aptly named “Gossip Kitchen” with Mary and Lisa to do just that. Mary tells them that Britani left her event with not one but THREE floral arrangements, which included the one that Mary gifted her, one right off the table, and the one that Britani herself brought as a gift. I will say, I don’t actually know how that’s even physically possible, but who am I not to believe Mary. Plus, she has some photo evidence, given that Britani sent her a photo of her delivering one of the bouquets to a nursing home like a middle-age candy striper. This prompts Angie to share a theory she’s been sitting on: “I feel like she goes to rest homes to try to get into their will,” she says, and I almost fell to the ground. It’s simply one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen a woman be accused of on Housewives, and yet they move right past this I Care a Lot–esque assertion as quickly as it was brought up. Maybe Britani was pinching those people in the airport to get in their wills too.

When they move on, and Mary asks Angie how she and Shawn are doing, Angie clams up and, not ready to come clean just yet, breezes right past the question so they move on to Heather instead. She says that she’s nervous to bring her new man around the women, but Lisa assures her that they’ll be nice. The camaraderie and banter in this last scene, particularly between Heather and Lisa, fill me with so much joy. Seeing the two of them joke around gives me hope for peace on earth, and ultimately this sisterhood — though it’s often buried deep under endless drama and bickering — is the lifeblood of the show. It’s even more apparent when the whole group giddily gossips about Britani’s mission to uncover information about Bronwyn, who they all agree is a complete phony. Everything about her is a ruse; it all feels put on, and this new boyfriend undeniably feels like a PR relationship. The gossip fills them with a childlike glee that, quite frankly, I find beautiful.