The Great British Baking Show Recap: Do You Caramel

The Great British Baking Show
Caramel Week
Season 17 Episode 8
Editor’s Rating ★★★
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Do you remember the Warrant song “Cherry Pie?” I honestly hope that you don’t, but there’s a lyric from it that I think about all the time: “Tastes so good it makes a grown man cry. Sweet cherry pie.” He’s not, you know, actually talking about cherry pie. He’s talking about something else, but this episode reminded me of it. Not because they made cherry pie. In fact, it was Caramel Week, which has very little to do with cherries or pies, but because this episode was so delicious, it made a grown man cry. That grown man is me, and maybe you if you are a man. It also definitely made Moyin cry, and I think maybe, just maybe, we got a little drop melting out of Paul Hollywood’s icicle blue eyes.

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Caramel Week starts with the bakers having to make a treacle tart, but the catch is that they have to make the golden syrup themselves. Treacle, where the tart gets its name from, is very similar to molasses, a by-product of the sugar-making process that was repurposed for other foods. (However, there was never a Great Treacle Flood.) Golden syrup, which is now used to make the dessert, doesn’t really have an American corollary, just like you can’t find construction paper in any store in the U.K. (How do English kids make birthday cards for their nans? Do they use paper plates?) It’s kind of like Karo corn syrup, but it’s not made out of corn; it’s made out of boiling sugar and water for a really long time, as the bakers demonstrate. While I like the idea of making a very traditional dessert, particularly because it plays to the strengths of more mature bakers like Connie, asking them to make the syrup is kinda silly. Everyone just buys it in the store. What’s next? Making them grow their own baking powder? Is that how you make baking powder? No clue. I’ve only ever bought it in the store. I guess, like Mo preparing for this challenge, I’ll just watch two (2) TikToks about it and call it a day.

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A treacle tart, as Mo says, is the kind of medieval food that is a British staple from when they were known for having the most terrible cuisine on the planet, but they stick by it anyway. It combines breadcrumbs and golden syrup and, honestly, I’ve never eaten one because I think I would rather lick the underside of a boot. Most of the bakers do a great job. Tom turns his into a PB&J treacle tart, even though he eats his PB&Js with cherry conserve. I’m sorry. The PB&J Council of America specifies that our national delicacy should be made only with grape, raspberry, or strawberry jelly and never the kind where the peanut butter and the jelly come in the same jar. Paul says it tastes great and like something totally different. Yeah, that’s probably why they like it. Mo makes an apple crumble tart, and Nigella says that the apple flavor combines well with the traditional treacle, though his pastry is a bit too thin. Moyin made a sticky toffee pudding tart that combines Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood’s recipes, so it’s no wonder Paul loves it. 

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But Gabe and our girl Connie struggle. Gabe’s is orange and almond flavored, and you know as soon as he put extract in it that Paul will say that the almond flavor is too strong. Connie, while making the best-looking tart of the bunch, struggles in several ways, including the dreaded soggy bottom. She also can’t get her tart casing off of her bake. She shouts to Moyin, “I can’t get my bottom off!” That’s something my husband has been saying for years. Moyin rushes to help her, and Connie later rushes over to help him get his tart on its stand. Their relationship is so sweet, and we see it several times this episode. Combined with all the talk about how Moyin wants to win the whole show without winning Star Baker (which only happened once in season 10), it makes me think that this episode will end with Connie going home and Moyin winning Star Baker.

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The technical is to make a millionaire’s shortbread, another British staple that is shortbread topped with a fat layer of caramel and chocolate on top. It’s basically a Twix bar, a whole slab instead of a tiny little finger (or two; don’t want to forget the left Twix). While this isn’t a terrible idea for a challenge, they didn’t give the bakers nearly enough time for the caramel to set before putting the chocolate on top, and most of the bakers turn in mushy messes with underbaked shortbread, unset chocolate, and caramel runnier than a 4-year-old’s nose. “At least it was better than Bread Week,” Nigella says. Um, both of these are a problem. I get that there needs to be a time crunch to make compelling television, at least in the minds of the producers, but setting our lovely bakers up to fail is not how it should go. The order from worst to least worst is Mo, Connie, Gabe, Moyin, and Tom, who is, of course, decent because he’s always decent.

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The showstopper is based on the Hungarian dessert Grillázstorta, which sounds like a pie made out of gorillas. The bakers must make a structure out of nougatine with a praline-based cake inside of it. Ugh, nougatine. I have never ever in my life seen it outside of Baking Show. They used it even more frequently in Bake Off: The Professionals, where they have to make really elaborate structures that are entirely edible. Well, there is edible, and there is something you want to eat. Lint is, technically, edible, but do you actually want any? That’s how I feel about nougatine. You only have to learn how to make it and work with it to be on one of these shows, so why are we bothering?

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During the challenge, Connie has too much to do and is starting to spiral. Paul Hollywood, of all people, gets down off his pedestal and tells Connie to go sit on the bridge and stare at the water for five minutes. I’ve never seen anything like that in the tent before. Could someone get her a five-minute YouTube meditation video to go along with it? When everyone finishes baking, Moyin goes to give her a big hug, and they talk about how special they are to each other. Oh yeah, he’s winning, and she’s going home. 

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Mo does a great job making a box for a baby shower complete with nougatine ribbons and adorable frosted teddy bears, and the cake is a coffee sponge with chocolate ganache that Nigella rips into with unreserved gusto that was shocking even to her. Moyin makes a crown with blue “sapphires” around it, inspired by a song that his grandmother made up about him. Inside there is an opera cake that looks absolutely immaculate. Nigella says it’s dainty but packs a whallop; Paul even manages to try the nougatine and says it’s great. Moyin, as predicted, wins. 

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Everyone else has a difficult time. Gabe makes a really cool-looking black sesame nougatine, so it’s black and in the shape of a boat on the waves. As cool as the outside looks, inside is a Genoise sponge with a blue mirror glaze that looks like an algae bloom that could bleach all the coral reefs. Paul says that there is no flavor to it at all. That’s not usually a problem for our Gabe. Tom makes a pub out of nougatine, and inside is a hazelnut praline cake that looks like the Wicked Witch of the West after she had water poured on her. It is just a chocolaty puddle. Paul says it’s “Not his best work.” For an English person to say that is like he just pulled down his trousers and slapped him in the face. 

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However, it is Connie who really struggles. She tries to make her husband Myke’s favorite kind of cake to thank him for all of his support while she’s been off in a tent in Berkshire every weekend. She takes way too long to make nougatine and barely gets her rudimentary box finished in time. Both judges love the light, creamy hazelnut cake inside, but the box literally falls apart when they open it. As predicted, Connie goes home. This is when Warrant sings “Cherry Pie” and we all sob. She and Moyin hug once again, and Moyin says that she means everything to him. She tells him that she’ll be with him every step of the way, but there are only two more episodes, so it’s not that long. But sweet, sweet wonderful Connie. She even has hugs and kisses for all of the crew on the way out. She was undone by some not-great challenges on an uneven week, but she managed to capture all of our hearts, which is like winning a whole different trophy. 

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