The Real Housewives of Potomac Recap: Daddy Lessons

The Real Housewives of Potomac
Potomac and Ponies and Problems
Season 10 Episode 12
Editor’s Rating ★★★
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Any seasoned Housewives fan will tell you that, for a television empire that has brought infamy and celebrity to dozens of anxiety-addled women, the value those women hold in the universe they navigate is overwhelmingly dominated by the desires of men. The worst thing you can be in a Housewives argument is recently divorced, lest the stench of undesirability infect the open pores of your castmates and banish them to a similar fate of destitute old-maid singledom. Most arguments come down to either (1) you can’t keep a man, (2) your man is cheating on you, or (3) your man is broke, furthering the golden rule that a Housewife is only as relevant as the man attached to her.

While a Housewife’s worthiness has often been negotiated via her ability to secure a “high value” man as a partner, every so often we get a peek into the impact of another man’s presence (or lack thereof) in their lives: their fathers. On RHONY, Bethenny Frankel opening up about her volatile relationship with her father gave direct insight into her penchant for hostility. Angie K. on RHOSLC has shown how her connection to her father is her connection to her culture, offering insight into why she clings to an almost cartoonish performance of her heritage. Without going all “Cat’s In The Cradle,” the brief vignettes we get into some of these parental dynamics offer valuable context as to how many of the women approach relationships with their families, men in general, and with themselves.

In previous years, we have gotten a few glimpses on how some of the Potomac Housewives’ fathers have affected their daughter’s lives. The most obvious is Ashley, whose entire romantic history seems to be a thinly veiled cry for her father’s approval. We spent year after year watching her dig her head in the sand and refuse to let go of the nasty old man she called her husband — and yes, part of that was definitely about financial security, but it’s also been clear for quite some time that Ashley struggles with abandonment and neglect issues, and is in many ways looking to be taken care of in a way that her parents were never able to do for her. It’s a sad dynamic, albeit understandable, and probably why I have a bit more of a soft spot for Ashley than the average viewer.

Similarly, the peeks we have seen into Gizelle’s relationship with her dad offer a lot of context around her own personal life. Her dad was known as a community activist and leader, similar to her pastor ex-husband; and also similarly, was known to be a philanderer in his own right. Gizelle’s father’s disgust with Jamal seems to be a case of pot recognizing kettle. And in the same vein of Jamal’s personal chaos leaving devastation in its wake that Gizelle had to clean up, she is now years-deep into a legal battle over her father’s will that would have been easily addressed if her father had executed and signed a will long ago instead of leaving it to the women in his life to fight out. 

This week, we see the impact that Tia and Wendy’s fathers have left on their lives, and how they are still working to reconcile those issues. While sporting an absolutely chic trad look in her confessional, Tia explains how discovering her father’s infidelity created a fracture in her family that struggled to heal. She naturally took her mom’s side and viewed any children her father had outside of the marriage as imposters, a position that she has started to remedy in recent years as she reconnects with her half-sister. It is heartwarming to see adult women put past burdens aside and commit to building familial bonds anew, but what I find truly compelling is that Tia is finally revealing some cracks in the veneer. Up until this last episode, Tia was selling us a vision of a charmed, elite life, where she was waited on hand and foot and wanted for nothing. Not only does she reveal that she has half-siblings due to her father’s missteps, she also admits that they were numerous throughout the years, and they all devastated her mom; this is a far cry from the pristine, trauma-free childhood that she has attempted to portray to date. Even in present day, you see her working to polish a complicated story into something beautiful — that her father’s insistence her mom welcome his children from outside the marriage was largely born out of his desire to have all of his beloved kids together, rather than a selfish demand that his wife take on the burden of his infidelity. Years of presenting a united front in face of scandal has turned Tia into a woman who prioritizes the appearance of having it all together, a reflex that still lingers here. 

No one is more familiar with this reflex than Wendy, who is so wound up by her sister and mom’s visit to see her new house renovations that she has her children line up on the staircase like the Von Trapp kids. In five seasons, Wendy has always done her best to present her mother, sister, and herself as a united front against the world. This week, however, we finally get a glimpse of how their family dynamic truly operates, and how Wendy often finds herself triangulating her family’s frustrations and ultimately overcompensating to either placate them or gain their approval.

Wendy’s family dynamic is actually quite common: a single parent who is resentful of the absent parent coming back into the fold after all the hard work is done, an older sibling who remembers how the absent parent failed and refuses to forgive them, and the youngest sibling who can’t remember the worst days and is trying to get love from each parent. With Wendy’s mom, her approval registers in material accomplishments — she glows knowing that the daughter she sacrificed for can afford a high-end kitchen renovation and all of the designer clothes she wants, while providing her an allowance at the same time. Wendy clearly wants her father to be proud of her as well, and we see her extending every olive branch possible in order to receive some crumb of approval, settling for a brief appearance on video chat and empty promises to see each other soon that they both know will never come to fruition. 

While it’s sad to watch Wendy beg for her father’s acknowledgement and only get a tepid response, the lingering wound is understandable. Unfortunately, her sister and mother are all out of empathy to give over the situation, and immediately berate her for even entertaining his presence in her life. Their ultimate point isn’t wrong: If Wendy’s dad couldn’t even see her and the kids when she flew out to Nigeria and can’t even remember her birthday, he is clearly uninvested in going the extra mile for the daughter he claims to love so much, and she shouldn’t keep her hopes up. While they may be correct, the cruelty makes their point moot — they’re so busy sneering at Wendy for having any expectations that their agitation becomes the focal point, and we see Wendy shut down as her feelings are pushed into the corner. Her mom latches on to any small reaction to validate her rage, and it’s immediately clear that her emotional immaturity is preventing her from noticing that it’s her daughter’s feelings that need to be tended to at this moment. Instead of recognizing that Wendy is overwhelmed and pulling back, however, she presses on, calling her disrespectful and attention-seeking in what must be the biggest case of projection this side of the Potomac River. 

It’s jarring to watch play out, but it is probably the most honest we’ve ever seen the Osefos on camera: Wendy, rattled that she’s not allowed an honest moment with her family, begging Eddie to help bail her out as her sister and mother trample all over her emotions and silence her in her own house. It’s clear that Wendy’s loud and extra in all of the other aspects of her life expressly because she doesn’t have the voice she desires in her own family, and that is a wound that will take some time to heal. 

Next week, Monique brings her binder skills back to our cameras and Angel takes us with her to the great outdoors. See you all then! 

Cherry Blossoms:

• I’m happy that Stacey and Thiemo have mutually decided that the streets were no longer for them, but they have the chemistry of paint drying in their one-on-one scenes. Maybe it’s the German stiff upper lip that sucks all the life out of them, but I’d rather her just keep coming up with excuses for why Thiemo doesn’t want to be on camera and save us all the trouble. 

• Words can’t describe the level of secondhand embarrassment I had as I watched Greg open a cardboard box to give Keiarna a dozen red flowers and an empty picture frame. I have seen more impressive gifts from a high-school sophomore on Valentine’s Day. I hate to see a diva begging for crumbs like this! He almost seemed tickled by the sleight of hand, but at least she got a paid-for condo in her name for her troubles. 

• I understand that everyone involved is grown, but I have threatened violence against friends who have made a pass at my younger brother, and I didn’t even birth him. Why Ashley felt comfortable telling Charrisse she tongued down her son while drunk escapes comprehension. 

• So are we back to GnA being a charity? Gizelle can’t possibly be trying to deceive us into thinking that the brain tumor society raising $1.2 million is equivalent to Gizelle herself raising that much. 

• I don’t know how much it costs to build an inground pool, but I’m amazed at all the ways Wendy finds to blow through money fast.