The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Spoiled Orange

The Real Housewives of Orange County
Forbidden Fruit
Season 20 Episode 10
Editor’s Rating ★★
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Can we call it on the Vicki Gunvalson Comeback Experiment? I think we’ve seen enough. It’s honestly remarkable that production didn’t rescind her orange for season 20 after the O.G. of the O.C.’s disastrous performance on Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. This is a woman who, at 64, is fundamentally incompatible with reality television. She does not want to be here, and while a Vicki meltdown is occasionally compelling, we’re halfway through an aimless season and wasting an inordinate amount of airtime on someone who refuses to do her job. Her Bravo job, that is. Her job selling life insurance remains the sole reason she gets up in the morning, and we will continue watching Vicki send emails and avoid conflict until she’s finally given the boot once again.

“Forbidden Fruit” presents us with dual trips, which is probably designed to help balance an unwieldy cast, but always ends up feeling like a budget decision. Vicki is taking Shannon, Emily, and Jenn — one person she’d willingly hang with, and two contractual obligations — to her house in La Quinta. I’ll at least give the show credit for splitting up Emily and Gina, something that should happen a lot more often. Shannon gets everyone in her group matching pajamas and Whoop It Up Classic hats, a sure sign that there will be no actual whooping it up on this excursion. More foreshadowing: Vicki explaining, “It takes a lot to own three houses, and I want to showcase to the girls that you can work and enjoy your life.” She will be showcasing exactly half of that. 

Things get off to a rocky start almost immediately, though I suppose we can be grateful that we don’t have to endure another Shannon freak-out about rooms. After Vicki announces their plans for the day — driving range, homemade pizzas, whooping it up — Jenn notes that she’s never whooped it up with Vicki. Now is the time to resolve their conflict from the garden party, or it would be if Vicki had any interest in an actual friendship with this woman. “I like Jenn being pretty and sitting there and not being mean,” she reflects in her confessional. Emily points out that whenever Vicki is frustrated with the group, she lashes out at Jenn specifically, which she doesn’t deny. Vicki doesn’t like new girls, as she admits for the 3,000th time, and Jenn is “low-hanging fruit.” Cue horrified gasps. Now, is this a nice thing to say about someone? It is not. Am I tickled by it? Of course. This is the kind of Vicki bad behavior that sparks joy.

The Vicki bad behavior I would like to KonMari Method, on the other hand, is her incessant working. Sure, the visual gag of Vicki with her laptop open on a Sprinter van was amusing enough on RHUGT, but we’re now watching two concurrent series where she’s opting out of conflict to sell life insurance, and I’m as over it as her castmates are. I’ll give Vicki that the conversation about Mike not proposing to her is a dead horse. That doesn’t mean she can spend the car ride to the country club telling the other women to be quiet because she’s using speech-to-text to write emails. Does she think this is good television? “Enjoy your conversation, I’m out,” Vicki says, punctuating her dismissal with a middle finger. Shannon looks especially wounded by this, but I think she’s also processing that her strongest ally on the show may be dead weight.

Vicki disengaging is par for the course at this point — and speaking of par, the women arrive at the country club to practice their golf swings and deliver enough material to fill an episode. I don’t mind a Housewives season that’s lighter on the drama, but that’s only if the conflict-free hangout scenes are fun to watch. My patience for Jenn making sex jokes toward Shannon is wearing thinner than Vicki’s when she’s asked about Mike’s engagement ring. I’m also tired of Shannon’s physical comedy, which here involves her running into a stranger’s home to pee, and then chasing after the golf carts when the other women pretend to drive off without her. If you’re the editor who thinks these moments are so funny that they have to make the final cut, please reach out. I just want to talk.

Back at the La Quinta house, the women hang out in the hot tub, presumably because it’s one of the few places Vicki can’t bring her computer. Realizing they’re on a 24-hour girls’ trip and need to give the audience something, Emily prods Jenn to revisit the “low-hanging fruit” comment. Vicki brushes it off, and even Shannon can’t defend her friend’s callousness. “Don’t be a Tamra,” she says, which is basically a slur coming from her. Vicki has been doing this long enough to see where the scene is going, and it’s enough to have her taking the Lord’s name in vain. “Jesus, you guys, stop poking the bear,” she barks. “The bear’s gonna come out and play.” 

That’s an intriguing notion, but we all know Vicki isn’t really gearing up for a fight. Instead, she continues to whine about everyone picking on her. Emily says that when they’re asking her about her relationship with Mike, it’s out of love for her — and while that’s obviously bullshit, so is Vicki insisting that everyone leave her alone when she’s getting a (presumably hefty) paycheck for this. Ultimately, Emily is right that Vicki isn’t interested in sharing her life or building organic relationships the way that the rest of them are. I sort of wish she’d break the fourth wall here and point out the absurdity of Vicki half-assing her Bravo job while giving 110 percent to Coto Insurance. This isn’t fair to her castmates or the audience.

Let’s pause here to check in with the other group, if only out of obligation. As draining as it is watching Vicki shut down over and over again, I’m even more exhausted by the nothing fight being rehashed by the B-team. That would be Tamra, Heather, Gina, and Carmella, who are taking a 24-hour trip to Solvang. (Take a shot every time someone gushes about how cute Solvang is if you want alcohol poisoning.) On the way there, Carmella gets pulled over for expired tags, and because there’s so little to work with, the editors treat this with much more gravity than it deserves. Otherwise, we’re still plowing forward with this Heather takedown, which means we have to continue talking about how Miss Fancy Pants called Carmella “trashy” and then asked for her real-estate help. I will say, Heather’s story about getting pulled over by a cop for a selfie did make me feel a little less bad for her, but she has fully fessed up and apologized, which Carmella seems to have accepted. At this point, I’m not sure what there is to discuss. 

And yet, discuss we must! It does feel like there may be more to the story when it comes to Carmella’s introduction to the friend group. “What these girls have said about Carmella behind her back is atrocious,” Heather shares in a confessional. “I not only wouldn’t repeat those things, I also wouldn’t stand there with Carmella and tell her.” Well, she’s going to watch the show, so you might as well spill it, and it would at least give us another angle to approach this conflict from. Instead, Gina spends dinner repeating the same complaint she’s been voicing for the last two episodes: Heather asked Carmella, a person she didn’t seem to like very much, to help her find a place for Max in San Diego. Heather’s explanation is sound, as it has been this entire time. She was looking for a rental and not a purchase, and Carmella lives in San Diego. It’s not that deep.

I’ve long been a Gina defender, but the way she escalates this conversation smacks of desperation. “What the fuck, are you fake as fuck?” she snaps at Heather. This barely makes sense as a response. It feels as rehearsed as an Aviva Drescher leg throw. To make it seem like this is a true Housewives fight, Tamra dramatically shushes them while the editors cut to surrounding diners looking for the source of the noise. This isn’t Amsterdam, guys. I think the other patrons can handle some mildly raised voices.

I understand that on some level, Housewives requires that these women refuse to let the mouse go. Unfortunately for Gina, however, Heather is handling this like such a pro that Gina just looks ridiculous. When Heather again calmly explains that she prejudged Carmella and feels terrible about it, Gina yells back, “You should feel terrible!” That’s … what she just said. It’s also embarrassing for Gina when she claims that Heather once accused Gina of using her for her real-estate connections. Sure, that is something Heather briefly believed — but only because Tamra concocted the lie and brought it to her, which we see clearly in a flashback. “You’re misremembering,” Heather tells Gina, and ooh, you know that stung.

The truth is, there are plenty of reasons to dislike Heather (see above re: getting pulled over for a selfie), and if Gina were better at this, she could find another avenue. Everything about this takedown is sloppy, though. They eventually apologize to each other and move on for the time being, with Heather suggesting they “ground zero,” an unfortunate choice of words in an episode airing the night before the 25th anniversary of 9/11. She also kindly reiterates to Carmella that they all love having her here, while acknowledging that “all” probably doesn’t include Vicki. If Jenn is low-hanging fruit for Victoria, Carmella is whatever’s fallen off the tree and spoiled on the ground. 

Let’s return, then, to La Quinta, and the saddest pizza party imaginable. In the kitchen, Shannon cries because Vicki, who was so excited about this trip, has basically gone nonverbal. All Vicki wants to do is get through this dinner and then read her Bible — she’s being nailed to the cross like Jesus was by those Judases, Emily and Jenn. “I’m their mothers’ age,” she says. “Leave me alone.” Vicki’s expectation of deferential treatment is honestly hard to comprehend. She’s the first person to tell you that she’s a 20-year veteran of this franchise, but she somehow has no idea why she can’t simply age out of being criticized. When Jenn and Emily return, Shannon tries to cut the tension by talking about jarred pizza sauce (the only real laugh-out-loud moment of the episode), but there’s no salvaging this night. 

Despite repeated attempts to engage Vicki in conversation, she refuses to apologize for anything beyond calling Jenn “low-hanging fruit.” She again tries to pull rank by parenting her 49- and 50-year-old houseguests, suggesting that they play the Quiet Game. When that doesn’t work, Vicki yanks off her mic and retreats to her bedroom, leaving the others uncertain of what to do next. Are they supposed to call their moms to pick them up? This sleepover is ruined! Meanwhile, Vicki continues to rage. “It’s my home,” she rants. “You don’t respect it? Get the fuck out.” And if that’s not clear enough, she storms outside to production, telling them that everyone needs to leave. For once, I agree with her. It’s time to leave La Quinta behind — and Vicki Gunvalson with it.