The Real Housewives of Orange County Season-Finale Recap: The Sky Top’s the Limit

The Real Housewives of Orange County
Reach for the Sky Top
Season 20 Episode 17
Editor’s Rating ★★★★★
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How do you type out the sound of air being slowly let out of a balloon, and then it makes a little squeal, and then it kind of makes a fart sound, and then the last bit of air just comes flying out in a rush. Would it be like ffffsssssshhhhhhheeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEbwfwbwfbwfbwfbwfbwfbwfpooof? Is that what it would be? That is the exact sound that this final episode of the landmark 20th season of RHOC made. That is my entire review. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Strangely enough, the best part of the episode is usually my least favorite part of a Housewives season finale, when we check in with all the ladies, and they close out their personal storylines. Emily goes with her daughter Annabelle and makes their own signature fragrances, but Annabelle rushes home immediately and pours all of hers on Shane because he stinks. I mean, obviously. He has like Pepe Le Pew lines coming off him at all times. Gina and Travis have pizza with Gina’s ex, Matt (yup, still would), and his new partner Britt, and everything is right with their Eight is Enough family. Heather sits down with her mother, Carole, and talks about how she felt so left out because she is the only person in her family who ever felt an emotion, and they all made fun of her. Is this how Marilyn on The Munsters felt? Tamra goes on a moving Tiki Boat and has drinks with Jenn and Carmella, and it was like the opening of Gilligan’s Island. What is this? Some kind of spon-con for Nick at Nite?

Shannon gets on a Zoom call with her three daughters and a pet psychic named Keao, which might be how you spell the sound of air being slowly let out of a balloon. I know that we’re all about to be decimated by our robot overlords, but we can do psychic readings remotely now? What vibes is she reading, and are they just the stink lines coming off Elon Musk and his Starlink internet service? They’re on the phone because Shannon wants to know if her beloved dog, Archie, wants to have radiation therapy to get rid of his cancer or not. She and the girls want to know that they’re making the right decision and have Archie’s thoughts in mind and, clearly, the best way to get those thoughts is with a Microsoft Teams meeting with a woman who has more vowels than sense. 

But Keao’s advice isn’t horrible. She tells Shannon and her daughters that Archie can feel them. No matter where they are in the world, he can feel their love; he can feel the vibrations of healing that they’re sending from all different countries, continents, and time zones. She tells them that Archie says that, even if he gets the treatment, he might take a turn, and he doesn’t want a long, drawn-out process. That’s all Shannon and the Mini-Beadors need to hear. They just want to know that their love is valid, that their grief is real, and that they’re doing the right thing. Honestly, neither decision is a bad one, but sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you’re a good person and the dog that you have cared for, fed, watched soak in the hot tub, and dragged around on a leash loves you back. That Keao told them all that is money well spent, even if she couldn’t show up in person to collect that check. 

There’s also a home scene with Jenn and her son Dominic, who apparently has been getting in trouble in school and skipped out on 88 assignments. The teachers had to call Jenn and her ex-husband Will to a parent/teacher conference about the situation. Oh, but Will wasn’t there. He called in on Zoom. What is he? A pet psychic? Jenn tells Dominic that he needs to respect grownups, but he doesn’t seem to get it. She’s later having a conversation with Ryan, and he tells her that she needs to show these kids more discipline. He says that, earlier in the season, when Dawson got his speeding ticket, she never punished him; nothing happened. Jenn also says that Will refuses to co-parent with her, which seems insane to me. Is he just not involved at all? And if he’s not spending time with them, disciplining them, or sending them money, why is he even invited on the Zoom? At that point, he’s doing less than a pet psychic, and if that is the case, she should cut him out entirely. 

Jenn asks Ryan if Dominic acting out at school has anything to do with her divorce. Ah doy, Jenn. Of course it does! It entirely does! This is all about her and Will and not being able to settle their differences, and the kids acting out because they feel like there is something that needs to be addressed that they’re clearly ignoring. Ryan suggests getting Dom a therapist, which seems like the least they can do. Jenn shoots back, “I’m just one person. I can’t be everything to these kids all the time.” Um, yes, you can, and yes, you need to be. That is what is happening, and if she can’t face that reality, her children — and Jenn herself — will continue to struggle. Jenn seems very sweet and kind, but that she doesn’t understand human psychology at all is absolutely astounding. She doesn’t seem at all equipped to survive in the real world. I can’t believe that Ryan, a man with a jacket collection that would send Law Roach into anaphylactic shock, is the one who is thinking clearly in this conversation. 

After we’ve checked in with everyone, Shannon goes out to some dive bars with Heather and Emily and has a nice conversation with a hot zaddy named Chad who asks for Shannon’s number. Shannon! Fuck this man! Fuck him into next Tuesday. Let him chain you up to the bed and pound you until you don’t even need a pet psychic, and you’ve developed telepathic powers and can talk to all the pets like you’re an orgasming Dr. Dolittle. This is what Shannon needs above all else. If it’s not going to be Chad, I wish it could be Steve Guttenberg, who, sadly, did not respond to Heather’s DM that she sent to try to set up a double date with him and Shannon and her and Terry. The bar crawl scene was sweet, funny, and necessary — and I loved it. 

The same cannot be said for the party that Victoria D. Gunvalson Jr. throws at the Coto de Caza Country Club. (The D no longer stands for Denise; it now stands for Debbie Downer.) This party is a massive whiff for a number of reasons, but the biggest one has to be Tamra Judge. Just five episodes ago, Tamra threw a party and invited all the former castmates to attend the launch of her CBD line or whatever. While I was watching it, I thought, why isn’t this the finale? This should be the finale. They just did it again, and they did it worse. Sure, Vicki has everyone in Sky Tops, the iconic blouses that were ubiquitous in the show’s early years, but this looks like the least fun, least crowded party we’ve ever seen on Housewives. It was flatter and faker-looking than Teddi Mellencamp’s wig. (Guys, come on. She’s over the cancer and her hair has grown back. She did not need that wig, and she certainly didn’t need a wig that cheap.) Tamra stole all of Vicki’s thunder. She even had more Housewives at her event and also invited Alexis Bellino, who, say what you will about Jesus Juggs, at least brought a little bit of drama to the proceedings.

I can’t believe producers allowed Tamra to do that. RHOC had a long history of throwing a finale party where all the Housewives from past seasons were invited. They should have done that again to celebrate 20 years. They should have spared no expense and tried to get everyone there, not just Jeana Keough and Lizzie Rovsek and Lynne Curtin. They should have paid Alexis and Gretchers and Lydia McLaughlin and Lauri Waring and Noella Bergener. They should have gotten that girl Sarah who, at the bow off Heather’s cake, Dr. Moon, the driver of the family van, Donn Gunvalson. Get them all back, every single one of them. I would have been fine if this was a super-sized episode if the last 30 minutes were everyone in the same room again, going over the greatest hits, giving this once great franchise the recognition it deserves. Instead, we get gloopy-looking hors d’oeuvres on a sparse country club veranda. This isn’t a celebration; it is a retirement party.

Tamra’s party also had some new drama thanks to Alexis showing up, Heather feeling snubbed, and Shannon upset that John Janssen was there in the shoes she bought for him. What did this party have? Carmella and Vicki have a fight that is as solid as a Twinkie soaked in root beer. Heather may or may not be mad that Tamra took selfies with Jenn and not with her. Jenn has to confront Tamra because Tamra is being too nice to her. Are any of these even arguments? The biggest confrontation is between Gina and Heather, and they’re still talking about Heather talking about Gina’s money. Heather’s mad that Tamra is the one who started the conversation, but Heather literally said the thing that Gina’s mad about. What are we even doing here? What is this even about? It’s like the balloon has not only let all of its air go, it’s now all dimpled and pockmarked, disfigured as everyone throws it around the room pretending like it’s still an inflated balloon.

As the party wrapped up and all the women talked about their friendship and their powerful bonds, Lynne Curtin took all of her unsold cuffs and teetered back to her Ford Focus on a pair of heels that looked as rickety as a wooden rollercoaster. She turned the radio to her favorite station, 93.5 KDAY, Hip Hop Back in the Day. She rolled the windows down and pulled out of the parking lot, out onto the freeway with her window still down and her arm out periously into traffic. She could feel the wind whipping her limbs back as “Regulate” blared from the speakers. She always liked to look back; she always liked to remember the songs that made her feel like it was time to party. This is where Lynne lives every day, in those glory years when her hair was high, and her husband was even higher. When the joints were thick, and her eyelashes were thicker. But not this time, not after this party, where she stood around awkwardly with a group of women she didn’t even know played a game she was entirely unfamiliar with. She looked out to the sun setting into the waiting ocean and shouted along, hoping that the sound of the bass, the wind, the traffic, the dried leaves at the bottom of the palm trees making static on the breeze, would drown out even these memories.