Emily in Paris Season-Finale Recap: Sink to the Bottom With You

Emily in Paris
Veni, Vidi, Venezia
Season 5 Episode 10
Editor’s Rating ★★
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These episode titles are KILLING me. “Veni, Vidi, Venezia”? I came, I saw … Venice? Did ChatGPT write this? As you may have heard, Venice is sinking. Incredibly, no one tries to make an extended metaphor out of this. Once again, Emily and Mindy’s vibe is brought down because they are on a double date. They are always on a double date. I cannot wait for their breakups! Emily’s outfit is very good, though, in that sweet spot of almost-too-cute that is standard for Emily. I’m never going to be mad about a crop top, and I am always pleased to see her in flats. Love the big polka dots. Mindy’s outfit, as usual, makes no sense and looks ridiculous. The butter yellow and a bubble hem? No, thank you!

Asked once more about her own life, Emily can only speak about Marcello. Gosh, she’s so proud of Marcello. She’s so thrilled to be in Venice with Marcello. What even was life (literally three months ago) without Marcello? I don’t buy it, and it’s boring!

Sylvie is not in Venice yet; Sylvie is in Rome, at the funeral of Princess Jane’s husband. I love everyone’s fabulous funeral attire. Princess Jane’s fit made me laugh out loud. The full cut from the neck to her navel, the fishnet veil, the bright purple eyeshadow — YES. Why are we wasting time on these dullard sons when we could be partying with her? The spon-con on the coffin took me out! PJ is worried that her husband left her nothing but debt. Sylvie admits she gambled on Marcello’s line (Sylvie, I was rooting for you!) and needs it to pan out because Laurent fucked over their shared finances. 

Why is everyone staying at the St. Regis if they don’t have any money? Really feels like some of these financial troubles could easily be avoided with at least one rational person! While digging around for her misplaced passport, Emily finds an engagement ring. This made me shout out loud to my television, “Oh, FUCK this.” Mindy gets so excited about it, too. I cannot with television characters acting this way. In REAL LIFE, if your best friend was about to get engaged to a man who (deep breath) lied to her for six months, let her get fired from her job with your company which in turn destroyed her chances at running the office of her dreams, and popped back into her life only three months before and did absolutely nothing to support her but instead made her life all about his work, you would NEVER cosign their engagement! “It feels right,” Emily says dreamily. “We’re a team!” You do everything for him, and he does nothing for you?!? That’s not how teams work!

To get proposed to, Emily wears a red lace bodysuit that honestly looks more like something Mindy would put on. (Foreshadowing or sloppy styling?) But I do like her hair barrette. Of course, this is all a fake-out, and Marcello is simply telling Emily how wonderful she is because “You make me believe in myself,” which, yeah, babe, we know, but what have you done for her lately? 

The next day, there’s trouble at the venue that I guess no one could anticipate, despite the whole thing where Venice is famously sinking: The venue has flooded because of the full moon. I loooove that, actually. Just the idea of the moon fucking it all up. Mother Nature rules the day. Emily realizes, too late, that this likely catastrophe is why the venue was available at the last minute. Nico says they might have to cancel, and Emily’s response to this is, “Oh no, Marcello would be devastated,” and I scream, EMILY, MARCELLO’S FEELINGS ARE NOT THE STAKES OF THE SHOW GOING BADLY. Marcello spins out because he is horrible in a crisis. It is Emily & Co. who save the day by buying up lots of rainbow galoshes and umbrellas for all the models and guests.

I am very underwhelmed by Marcello’s line, which is sort of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective–style suiting done in a Lucky Charms colorway. But Emily needs a win, and so the show is a success. All the models splash around on the watery runway, and somehow everyone is charmed by this. (Also: Wouldn’t the water be disgusting?) Antonia arrives to cheer on her son and tell him he did a great job and she’s stepping down to give him the family business. Also, sorry, but Marcello’s outfit looks so lousy here. Is that a seafoam-green T-shirt? WHY? Anyway, no more lawsuit, but also no more Marcello Muratori line. It’s almost like his supposed dream, for which Emily derailed her entire life, was just the whim of a wealthy nepo baby for whom his decisions will never have real consequences!

He pitches Emily on continuing to throw away everything she has for his job: Move to Solitano (which, last time we checked, was overrun with tourists and no longer a lovely place to live) and into the old family home (Good luck having Antonia right around the corner, LOL) and come in-house to do marketing for Muratori. Meanwhile, Sylvie is learning that “till death do us part” includes her husband’s debts, whether she divorces him or not. I wish she’d called me; I would’ve warned her! She may need to sell or liquidate Agence Grateau, so she encourages Emily to go off to Muratori and tries to spare her the bleak news about her own prospects. “You could be the next Miuccia Prada” feels like laying it on a liiiiittle thick to me, but Emily doesn’t pick up on any problems.

Alfie calls Mindy to say he wants to see her when she’s back in Paris. She tries to dodge, but he is persistent. I respect him for insisting on direct communication! A lesser man would’ve texted. 

The next day, on a gondola ride, Mindy and Emily are on yet another double date. “You two women make us the men we are” is the best these boys can do for compliments, and yet again, I am hating the demotion of our protagonist and second lead to women behind the men. Is this supposed to be romantic? Marcello kneels to retrieve the ring, and Emily blurts out that she cannot marry him. Turns out he was fetching the ring for Nico. Mindy should not get engaged to this loser who cannot even cover his half of the rent, but she says yes — perhaps to torture me personally, for being so tough on this show. 

Emily is mortified and apologizes profusely, but these two can no longer be together. I would also note for Emily’s sake that Marcello gets so cold and mean the minute he doesn’t get exactly what he wants. He would be a terrible long-term partner! He also quite obviously has no respect for or interest in the life she worked very hard to build for herself, but it is a relief to finally hear her make the case for it. They kiss each other farewell. I guess that means no more Muratori job for Emily. When will the Agence Grateau team learn that it is a mistake to have all your professional prospects tied to your romantic ones? Maybe next season!

Back in Paris, back in stilettos. Mindy is wearing a dress made of, like, a dozen giant denim belts? Looks awful. The girls are giddily planning the wedding and bachelorette party as if several core issues are not still unresolved. Alfie arrives to report that Gabriel’s replacement chef is a woman. Fun! Mindy, like an absolute child, flashes her engagement ring rather than having an adult conversation with Alfie. And again, we are doing plot-flung-at-the-characters-from-afar because didn’t Mindy and Alfie actually have several very adult conversations about their relationship before? Alfie is the only one with the guts to tell Mindy, “I think you’re making a huge mistake,” and good for him for saying so! When he leaves, she admits to Emily that she still has feelings for him. Okay, so just don’t get engaged?! Be single and DATE for the LOVE of GOD.

Perhaps the show can feel that my strength is waning, my spirit is low. And so I am given two beautiful gifts: Emily in an excellent power-red suit returning to the Agence Grateau office, and the return of the spark this series needs, Princess Jane. Say bonjour to your new equity partner! Turns out her husband left Jane the Palazzo, and she got an amazing offer from the Four Seasons. Finally, a commitment from someone I actually want to see again. 

Gabriel’s billionaire is, in his great benevolence, giving the help a few weeks off in Greece. For reasons that feel pretty flimsy to me — that one conversation they had in Rome? — Sylvie texts Gabriel to tell him Emily is single and in Paris. I just feel like Sylvie, who is now trapped with her debt-ridden husband and was never exactly a champion of monogamy to begin with, would want Emily to get to do her own thing for once in her life. But no, Gabriel sends Emily a postcard telling her to meet him in Greece. I don’t like it relationship-wise, but I am looking forward to what I can only assume will be the Mamma Mia! energy of the beginning of season six.

What did you all make of this jet-setting season? I thought getting out of Paris for a minute gave the gang some much-needed pep in their step. In fiction and in life, I wish women could be freed from the shackles of their underwhelming, embarrassing boyfriends. I continue to root for Sylvie as always. For now: Merci, à la prochaine!