Dad-of-four opens up about 'living hell' of battling anorexia

The 42-year-old was diagnosed with the eating disorder 10 years ago, and has spoken about how it 'takes control' with 'incredible' power

A dad-of-four diagnosed with anorexia over a decade ago has told of his “living hell” as he battles the condition.

Sean, 42, is one of three brave people who open up about their eating disorder in the documentary Anorexia, My Family and Me.

He said: “The last 10 years is definitely the most severe and nearly killed me. Anorexia nervosa is just hell. It takes control. The power of it is just incredible.”

Sean told how he started out “doing a bit of running” and, before he knew it, he was weighing himself daily, getting up at 5am and running for hours. He recalled: “I would run a marathon, and the whole way around that 42km was like, ‘I can’t eat too much nutrition. It’s calories.’

READ MORE: Boxing bosses respond to claims Imane Khelif has lost Olympic gold medal after gender row

READ MORE: Irish tourists issued warning as Spanish hotspots set for washout in coming days

“Absolutely starving, wanting to eat, want to eat so much, but you just can’t. I remember being out one night running and it was lashing raining, half five in the morning, and I just started crying.

“How am I going to stop this? I could have been out any night running and drop dead. I was just completely gone.”

Sean used laxatives to purge, recalling how “you don’t feel worthy”. But the compassion he found in therapy helped save him.

“For me, it was a massive turning point,” he said. “I honestly think if it wasn’t an eating disorder, it’d be something else. It’s the cover-up of pain. I mean, the level of self-hate I’ve had all my life has just been massive.”

After treatment as an inpatient, Sean is now implementing an eating plan in the next phase of his recovery, with the support of his family. Dr Kielty Oberlin said there has been a significant rise in the numbers seeking help for eating disorders but “the help isn’t there, the services aren’t there.”

She added: “In theory they’re there, but in practice they’re not. There aren’t enough beds for severe cases of people with eating disorders.”

The latest figures show the number of people presenting with eating disorders has soared from less than 100 to 1,800 – with a huge spike during the pandemic.

The documentary also features 16-year-old Josh from Wicklow, who was diagnosed with anorexia last year and recently spent 67 days as an inpatient in a psychiatric unit.

Bravely opening up on his struggle, Josh, who is dyslexic and autistic, said: “I’m feeling pretty scared and disappointed in myself because I feel like I was the one who let this happen.

“I believe that it’s good to try and eat to get better, but there’s still a part of me that’s being dragged down like, no, it’s not. And so I do still feel very conflicted and being pulled at both ends to try to eat or not.”

Amanda, 36, from Dublin has been living with anorexia for over 14 years and her condition is classified as severe and enduring. She said: “I always assumed I’d have kids, and I’m a very maternal person, so I kind of like [think] oh, is it too late for me?”

She describes how she began comparing her body to others during her years as a dancer, and relives the horror of being physically restrained in hospital.

Amanda revealed: “It would have been March 2022. They told me there was no way that I was leaving the hospital – and you will die if you go home. Before I knew it, I was detained there at the hospital, against my will. I would end up being physically restrained. I just felt like a wild animal.

“I fought those doctors with every piece of me. I was sedated so many times as I was so distressed. Everybody in the hospital had to do what they had to do to keep me alive. Sometimes part of me that thinks back to that time, I think, I wish they didn’t save me. I wish they had let me die.”

Presenter Angela Scanlon, who does the voiceover on the RTE documentary, opened up about her own 15-year struggle with anorexia and bulimia.

Speaking on Friday’s Late Late Show she said: “I would love anyone sitting at home in the depths of it, in a lonely, horrible place, to know that it’s messy and it’s complicated. And it takes a long time but, actually, you can come out the other end.”

• Anorexia, My Family and Me is on RTE One tomorrow at 9.35pm and on the RTE Player.

Join the Irish Mirror’s breaking news service on WhatsApp. Click this link to receive breaking news and the latest headlines direct to your phone. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don’t like our community, you can check out any time you like. If you’re curious, you can read our Privacy Notice.