You can hire a mysterious stranger to mourn your passing

There's nothing new about hired mourners. The practice of paying folks to pretend to care about someone's passing goes back thousands of years, crossing cultural divides, from east to west. Moirologists, wailers, keeners—call them what you will. For the vain or the superstitious, there's comfort to be found in knowing that someone will be there to witness their remains ritualistically given to the dust. As old as the tradition is, it was a bit of a surprise to see that it's still being practiced.

Based in New York City, The Dark Secret puts a modern, decidedly delicious twist on the ancient tradition of hiring mourners for your end-of-life plans. For the reasonable price of $500 (I mean, what the hell are you gonna do with the money? You'll be dead), a dark, mysterious, and tastefully dressed woman will appear at your funeral. Her sorrow restrained, but her pain evident, she is there to mark your passing. Who is she? No one will know; the question, if posed, is answered only with a sad smile and tearful eyes. She's a respectful mystery, wrapped in a sorrowful riddle, to give your final social appearance a gentle helping of what the fuck. At the end of the ceremony, she disappears just as she appeared: quietly and without explanation.

To get the ball rolling, The Dark Secret needs only 48 hours' notice. Of course, since many folks plan their celebration of life well in advance of snuffing it, it's also possible to book well in advance. In either instance, the service offers no refunds.

It seems reasonable: with their customer dead, it's hard to put the charge back on their account.