'I had no idea I had ADHD until I spotted symptoms in my son'

A woman says her life has been transformed after she was diagnosed with ADHD in her 30s - but she had not idea she had the condition until she saw the signs in her son. Lauren Taylor, from Stockton, was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago - which came as a huge relief to the 33-year-old.

The condition is thought to affect 2.6 million people in the UK but Lauren wasn’t aware of it until she saw the signs in her son, Elijah, eight. His condition started to appear when he was around 18 months old. Signs of ADHD in children can include difficulty concentrating and focusing, hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

"He is such a lovely intelligent boy. He is popular, funny and silly. He does face some struggles at home and at school due to the ADHD symptoms, but we have worked with the school and local charities for support and adjustments for him. Now he is getting older I am also noticing more signs of burnout", she adds.

"Elijah and I have similar coping mechanisms. We both find weighted blankets calming and sometimes use headphones or earbuds if we are in a loud or busy place. Fidget and sensory toys can be helpful with concentration. I sometimes use these at work and Elijah has access to them at school."

Lauren believes he has ADHD, but he has been waiting for assessment since 2021; waiting lists on the NHS can take years.
But as Lauren was researching ADHD for Elijah, she started to notice some of the symptoms herself, and managed to get an assessment in 2022. She explains: "It wasn’t until I was filling out the referral form when he was five that I had even considered I could have ADHD.

"As a child I did not display exactly the same behaviours Elijah did. But I felt the same frustrations in school. My reports were generally good but often mentioned that I needed to stop chatting to my peers and distracting them. Sometimes they would mention I would be distracted often. I am prone to talk too much and am very impulsive. I will pick up a new hobby every month and give up the following month.

"In order to get my diagnosis, I needed someone who knew me well to complete a form about me. I asked a work friend to do this, who was also one of my managers. It seemed appropriate as he was well aware of my habits, since I would spend a lot of my time procrastinating sat at his desk chatting about random things. One of the answers he put made me laugh 'Lauren can concentrate very intensely for short periods of time but will appear visibly in pain'."

Lauren’s colleagues now know how to support her but her problems with organisation were compounded when she was promoted to team leader. "This is when it all really clicked for me. I had gone from answering calls and being supported by my team leader, to having to be responsible for my own team. I had to manage my own time, arrange and plan coaching and spin multiple plates. I knew I was more than capable, but I felt like I was drowning.

"Research from British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) annual Mindometer survey of over 2,600 therapists finds academic or work performance is the area of life that ADHD has the greatest impact according to two thirds (67%) of therapists. Yet, I didn’t know why I was finding it so difficult. Then I looked back at the ADHD referral I did for Elijah, and it clicked," she explains. Lauren is supporting BACPs latest campaign which aims to highlight how therapy can help navigate the emotional challenges of a recent ADHD diagnosis and masking.

Masking is the practice of concealing or suppressing aspects of one's neurodivergent traits or conditions, in order to fit in with the norms of the workplace or society. Lauren found that, to hide her impulse to talk, she would purposely not chime up in meetings, and she finds herself constantly questioning when is the appropriate time to speak. "I feel like the cleaners at work are fed up with me as on any given day there will be several unfinished cups of tea left brewing on the side of the canteen where I have started to make one and got sidetracked and forgotten about it.

"I am open and honest with my team and how I work best. I tell them there is no point in asking me something verbally as I will almost always forget. They know to write it down and send me an email. A colleague once came over to ask me a favour and when I was about to ask him to email me to remind me, he already had a post it note written out and popped it on my screen as he knew I'd need it. I also spent time working on making my own organisational trackers and planners to help me stay on task."

But for Lauren, her biggest fear is that ADHD could prevent her from being a good mother. "I have always struggled with organisation, and keeping on top of things like kids’ parties can be tricky. I have forgotten to RSVP and left it too late before which made me feel so guilty as my daughter was disappointed. My ex-husband and I now work together using a shared calendar app to keep on top of this.

"I struggle to get everyone ready to go out to places and find myself getting overwhelmed if we are running late because of this and can end up being snappy and grumpy. I get burnout and am really sensitive to noise. I want people to understand that ADHD isn’t a fad or a trend. It just manifests in different ways so often people have missed it. Children with ADHD aren’t always just naughty or badly behaved. Sometimes they just require more understanding and adjustments.

"Living with ADHD can be tough. I feel like my brain never really ever switches off, but therapy has been really helpful in allowing me to accept myself with my ADHD. I have been able to drop my mask a lot more and be more 'me'. My focus is now on trying to support Elijah as he gets older. I have found it quite difficult recently but I will be taking a role with less responsibility soon and I may look to go part time so I am hoping I will have more space in my busy brain to focus on what is important,’ she adds.