‘I don’t want to partake in the system’ — Singaporean woman conflicted about hiring helper to raise future kids - Singapore News

SINGAPORE: A woman who takes pride in her career and enjoys the life she has built for herself is now seriously considering having children in the future. But alongside those thoughts came a dilemma she never expected to struggle with so much: whether balancing motherhood and a demanding career is even manageable without the help of a domestic helper.

On Friday (May 15), she shared her thoughts on Reddit’s AskSingapore forum, admitting that no matter how she looked at it, it seemed like “there’s no feasible way to have it all (kids, career & maintaining one’s sanity) without employing a helper.”

The woman explained that she herself grew up with a helper in the household, but the experience left her with lingering feelings of guilt. While her helper helped raise her throughout her childhood, the helper’s own son, who was around the same age as her, only got to see his mother for roughly two weeks each year.

Because of that, the woman swore not to ever “partake in the system.”

Her husband, however, sees things differently. According to her, he believes hiring a helper is necessary if both parents want to continue building their careers while raising a child.

“This seems to be a small disagreement that could turn into a major issue in the future, so I was just wondering what other people have thought about this: Is it actually possible to raise kids and have a career without employing a helper?”

“I’m a pretty ambitious person career-wise, and I enjoy my job, and so does my partner. Children are also a very likely addition to our relationship in the next 10 years.”

“It’s doable, but expect yourself to be exhausted.”

Many who responded said that while raising children without a helper is certainly possible, it often comes at the cost of exhaustion, slower career progression, or relying heavily on family support.

One shared, “I’m a father of 2 beautiful girls, and expecting a third baby boy in Oct this year. I have ZERO help from grandparents, and have no helper. I’ll share my 2 cents: Both husband and wife need to be 110% hands-on. That means splitting the chores for home and providing the necessary care for your kids.” 

“There’s no such thing as ‘I’m tired from work and need to rest.’ Both parents are working, so both parents have to contribute. Like I always say, your job as a parent doesn’t stop even when you’re sick. So man up.”

Another shared, “Yes, possible. But it will definitely mean you will miss out on your kiddos’ milestones.” 

“It’s nearly impossible to maintain both a career and kids without help from helpers, one of you becoming a stay-at-home parent, or in-laws or other family members. I’m a dad with 2 kiddos and have fully accepted I’ll just be an IC and not planning to climb up to be exec”

A third wrote, “It’s doable, but expect yourself to be exhausted. Both partners must step up if you don’t believe in throwing them to devices.”

A fourth added, “It’s possible, but you’ll need help from family members. My sister and her husband are both working full-time, and their daughter is around 2.5 years old now.” 

“Everyday, the dad will pick the daughter up and go over to my mum’s place, where my mum will bathe, cook dinner, and feed her. Family help really plays a huge part if you’re not getting a helper.”

In other news, a 27-year-old worker who recently got laid off is now stressing over how she’s going to keep up with her student loan payments without a steady income coming in.

In a post on the r/singaporefi subreddit, the woman shared that she still owes around S$8,000 on her student bank loan.

Read more: Worker, 27, stressed over finances after being laid off: ‘I have to pay S$680 every month’

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