‘You’re a disgrace to the family!’: Teen says parents reacted harshly after she fell ill from late-night studying - Singapore News
· The IndependentSINGAPORE: A Singaporean teenager’s post about being harshly scolded for falling sick after studying late into the night has sparked discussions online about strict parenting and the intense pressure many students face at home.
The 18-year-old, who shared her experience on the r/SGExams forum, said her parents called her “troublesome,” “disappointing,” and “a disgrace to the family” after she came down with a case of the flu from staying up until 1 a.m. to study.
According to the student, the scolding began shortly after her parents brought her home from the doctor’s clinic.
“Here’s a list of what they said: They said that I don’t listen to them when they tell me to sleep early, drink water, etc., and they said that I’m already 18 and should know that those are the stuff I need to know, especially since I want to become a doctor in the future.”
“Then, for some reason, my mum got angrier, and she said that I would never have a career in medicine and that I would be jobless for the rest of my life just because I got a mild flu. Then she said that because I fell sick, she had to pay for the medicine, and hence I am troublesome and disappointing.”
She added that her father later joined in. He allegedly told her she was a “disgrace to the family” and strongly urged her to get her act together.
The comments, she said, affected her deeply. “I lowkey broke down, and I got a super bad migraine in seconds, and it’s the type that affects your vision, so my head fell onto the table, and my mum said, ‘Ugh, what now?’”
Despite the incident, the teenager stressed that she still appreciates her parents and everything they have done for her.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m super grateful for everything my parents have provided for me. I just feel a little upset that they must say all these things just because I fell a little bit sick, and this is not the first time this has happened as well.”
She also explained that she has generally done well academically and studies consistently.
“Anyway, I’d like to say that I am a fairly above-average student; I came from a pretty high-ranking secondary, and my O-level results got me into a high-ranking JC as well. My grades have never been horrible, and I consistently study every day. Also, I have never ever talked back to my parents because I am #scared.”
At the end of her post, the teenager asked other users whether experiences like hers are common in Asian households, or whether she was simply being too “sensitive.”
“Most parents wouldn’t scold their kid for falling sick.”
The post quickly drew reactions from many commenters, with several sharing similar experiences of being heavily criticised at home over academic performance, burnout, or getting sick after long hours of studying.
One user wrote, “My father always berates me when I fall sick. Even let me go home by myself when I was hospitalised for foot surgery. I feel you, it sucks when the people who are supposed to love you end up choosing to actively hurt you. Always wondered if I was even their child, and as it turns out, I was adopted, so I guess I got my answer.”
Another said, “I believe it’s ‘tough love’ (not to justify their actions), but I have parents who are like this, and I cope by disassociating. It’s prolly a bad coping mechanism, but oh well. But please take care of yourself and take breaks.”
A third added, “Yes, same. I have parents like this, even siblings.”
As for the teenager’s question about whether this kind of treatment is normal in Asian households, many commenters were quick to reassure her that it is not.
“Hey, this is not normal,” one user wrote. “Everyone falls sick sometimes, and it’s often out of our control when it happens. Most parents wouldn’t scold their kid for falling sick because it’s neither necessary nor helpful.”
Another chimed in, “Definitely not normal, I feel like they’ve had a terrible day and wanted to take it out on someone.”
A third added, “Your parents are the disgrace for berating a child for something they have no control over.”
In other news, a man has shared online that his sister and brother-in-law have been keeping their distance from his parents after they allegedly demanded an “extravagant Guo Da Li package”, complete with large angbaos, during the couple’s wedding preparations.
In a post published on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Monday (May 11), the man explained that his family used to get along very well with his sister’s husband before wedding planning began.
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