How a year-long 'delights project' helped me find joy again in the little things
Seven years ago, Mr Kelvin Seah Lee Nguon stepped back from his job to be a stay-at-home dad and eventually found himself struggling with loneliness and a lack of purpose. Here's how he learnt to appreciate life's small moments again.
by Kelvin Seah Lee Nguon · CNA · JoinRead a summary of this article on FAST.
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In late 2017, my wife and I learnt that the younger of our two sons has autism.
We needed more support at home. So in 2018, I went from being a full-time polytechnic lecturer to part-time, and became a stay-at-home husband and dad.
Since that transformative year, my day-to-day routine has pivoted to mostly household chores, parenting and some teaching. It's a somewhat slower pace of life, one that can look leisurely.
Still, after some time, it can also feel purposeless.
Perhaps this isn't surprising, given that for so many of us, our identities are often pegged to our careers and other economic pursuits – promotions, profits and more.
At the same time, this tension is extra complicated for many fathers, who are still often expected to be the main breadwinners of the household rather than the main caregivers.
While I had more time to smell the proverbial roses than most of my overworked, nose-to-the-grindstone peers, I often struggled with loneliness. I didn't just lose economic status and a regular pay cheque – I lost an innate sense of purpose and meaning.
I needed to regain purpose, learn how to appreciate my new life, and also give thanks for the small but important joys in my life.
A SERENDIPITOUS ENCOUNTER
I remember well the morning of Jan 2, 2024.
My younger son, who was almost 13, and I were on a leisurely walk along the pedestrian pathway beside Pasir Ris beach. At 7.30am, the weather was already quite sunny and warm, but a pleasant sea breeze kept us comfortable, allowing us to enjoy some father-son time before his new school semester.
We came upon a small pavilion, where an elderly Chinese couple was practising their wind instruments to an old Mandarin tune I vaguely recalled from being a little boy in the 1970s, listening to cable radio on our family's old Rediffusion set.
Struck by a sudden sense of delightful serendipity, I quickly whipped out my phone to capture the moment with my boy.
Had I been busy texting on my phone or rushing to work, I might have missed out on that chance encounter completely.
Right then and there, I decided that I wasn't going to let moments like these just pass me by anymore.
DISCOVERING AND DOCUMENTING MY DELIGHTS
I began a year-long project I called: "My delights". I made it a point to jot down unexpected moments of delight that might come my way.
Besides typing short bullet point synopses of those moments, I would, wherever possible, include images or videos I'd captured of those moments to help me better remember them. The plan was to turn those slides into a mini showcase for my family at the end of the year.
Such delightful moments can happen to me or a loved one, any time, anywhere, and with or without someone around. The only criterion? They should be unplanned and unexpected, but absolutely delightful.
I was careful not to put any pressure on myself. To try to squeeze out such moments daily for a whole year would be too stressful. It would also run counter to this project's intent.
I accepted right away that there would be days where no such moments would come my way – and indeed there were. But I was at peace with that.
Nonetheless, I soon found that I could easily chalk up more than 10 or 15 such delightful moments most months to capture and curate. Sometimes, there were several moments in the same week!
Little did I know that my year-long project would extend into a two-year journey.
SAMPLES OF SERENDIPITY
Here's a sample of the serendipitous encounters I've had in 2025, my project's second year.
Jan 6: Perked up this morning when I saw a life-sized stuffed toy Doraemon on the bed of a run-down pick-up truck travelling in front of my car on the CTE.
How often does one see a sight like that while navigating the heavy, frustrating, rush hour traffic? I couldn't help laughing as I imagined the truck driver loading up that oversized toy before the drive.
Feb 7: Witnessed the heartwarming affection between a teenage son and his father as they hugged tightly again and again before parting ways outside my son's school gate this morning.
Having been brought up in a tradition that shuns outward expressions of love, this scene tugged at my heartstrings. How precious and fleeting moments like these are, when we as parents can express love and tenderness to our children with no qualms.
It made me think that perhaps I should dispense with the straitjacket tradition and start embracing my own sons now, before they are grown and flown.
Mar 14: Delighted to see a rooster cross the traffic junction with me while I was on the way to buy breakfast for my family early this morning – a whimsical moment that captured how we humans co-exist with nature. If only I'd had my phone with me to photograph it!
May 6: Picked up a last-minute GrabHitch passenger on my drive to work this morning, which led to a wonderful conversation about how she'd been blessed with unexpected opportunities to further her studies, even though she had never aspired to higher education.
As an educator and lifelong learner myself, I found her story inspiring and delightful. Serendipitous, too, that she used to work as an administrative officer in the school where I currently teach, but now works at the school next door!
Aug 16: While my wife was convalescing after a marathon operation to remove several malignant tumours, I was deeply moved and touched that a friend I had gotten to know only a year ago came by unexpectedly to the hospital this evening to offer some munchies to cheer us up.
I had been feeling overwhelmed since my wife was warded, teetering daily on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I can’t begin to describe how it felt to have this new friend go out of his way to visit and comfort me with companionship, at such a trying time.
WE ALL NEED MICRO-MOMENTS OF POSITIVITY
It's an unfortunate reality of today that our attention is constantly being pulled in countless directions, always at breakneck speed and lasting only a few TikTok seconds.
Yet it is precisely small moments of joy like these – unplanned, unexpected and serendipitous – that deeply nourish our souls in ways both refreshing and abiding. What a shame to miss them or fail to notice them when they happen right before our very eyes.
Barbara Fredrickson, director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, once stated that micro-moments of positivity don't just make you feel happy or good in the instant they occur – they can actually improve your well-being.
Such moments, she explained, "act as nutrients for psychological health and growth, helping you become a better version of yourself, little by little".
My project has shown me that we don't have to go hunting for these moments. It can be as simple as pausing more regularly and paying attention to what goes on around us, away from our devices and distractions.
I've learnt to slow down, focus on living each moment more attentively and at a more measured pace. In doing so, I've become more conscious and self-aware, and have learnt to let go of things I have no control over and focus on those I do.
It has also helped me ease my daily anxieties and worries – over not just my wife's health but also my children's growth and our family's overall well-being – and instead, nurture a wellspring of optimism within me.
As I reflect on my delights of 2024 and 2025, I intend to continue collecting more for as long as I can – so the joy and gratitude they afford can help me, hopefully, to become a better version of myself. Little by little, year by year.
Here's to 2026, and all the delights it has in store!
Kelvin Seah Lee Nguon is an adjunct lecturer in communications and runs workshops in dramatising personal narratives. He is a stay-at-home father to two teen boys and leads a community of caregiver dads.
If you have an experience to share or know someone who wishes to contribute to this series, write to voices [at] mediacorp.com.sg (voices[at]mediacorp[dot]com[dot]sg) with your full name, address and phone number.
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