Not Without My Dog: When Survivors Won’t Leave Without Pets

Many victims of IPV refuse to leave abuse if it means abandoning their pets.

Reviewed by Davia Sills

Key points

• Research shows that a significant number of IPV survivors refuse to leave their pets behind.
• Pets serve as comfort and stability for survivors, who can feel guilt or grief over abandoning them.
• Supporting IPV victims means acknowledging that their pets are part of their family system, like children.

Samantha sat on the worn sofa of her cramped apartment, her cocker spaniel Pooch curled up beside her. Her emergency bags were packed, and a friend was waiting by the phone to pick her up. But leaving was not just about her safety; it meant abandoning the one being who provided her with unconditional love and support. For Samantha, the thought of leaving Pooch behind was unbearable. So unbearable, in fact, that she stayed.

Month after month, she would think about leaving the abuse she experienced but then backtrack when she saw Pooch sitting near the door, his eyes wide with wonder. "I just can't leave him; he's my baby," she said as we went over her safety plan again. She was worried about not being with someone so special to her but also was concerned that her partner might use him as a pawn to retaliate against her for leaving.

The decision to leave an abusive relationship is often complicated by the fear of leaving pets behind.

Research shows that a significant number of IPV victims like Samantha refuse to leave their abusive situations because they are unwilling to abandon their pets, either due to emotional distress from leaving their fur family or fear of the pets being harmed as retaliation^1,2. This highlights an often-overlooked aspect of intimate partner violence: the bond between survivors and their pets.

As a practitioner who specializes in working with survivors, I see many clients who struggle to leave their pets during dangerous situations. According to Campbell Research and Consulting, a staggering 71 percent of pet owners in abusive relationships reported that they would rather stay in an abusive environment than abandon their animals¹.

To outsiders, this may seem foolish: Why risk your safety? But to pet owners, leaving their fur children can be akin to leaving human children. Studies have also indicated that animals can be targets of abuse in IPV situations^2,3. Many of my clients worry that if they leave, their pets could be harmed or used as a means of manipulation by their abuser.

Pets are such an important part of our lives that I always include them in any safety plan I create with a client.

I also go over this vital step when I provide trainings for other practitioners and agencies who support survivors. Including dependents such as children, pets, and other living things makes it more likely that they will be able to leave safely if they are not worried about leaving them at home. As a cat mom, I understand.

We need comprehensive support systems that recognize the importance of pets in the lives of IPV survivors.

Pets often serve as a source of comfort and stability, especially for survivors. For many of us, our fur babies represent a form of unconditional love that contrasts with the abuse we experienced. Pooch, for Samantha, is not just a pet; he is a lifeline that provides emotional support and a sense of purpose. Leaving him would mean sacrificing her only source of joy and connection, the only thing making her feel happy and hopeful during this stressful time.

While some organizations offer resources and support for survivors and their pets, including pet-friendly shelters and fostering programs, many shelters lack the resources³ to take pets, leaving survivors like Samantha feeling trapped with an impossible choice: leave their pets or stay in an unsafe environment.

Supporting victims of IPV requires recognizing that their pets are members of their family system.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at www.thehotline.org for more information and assistance.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.