Having Reply-All Regret? Stop Being 'That Person' in the Chat

Self-promotion overlaod may drive people away.

Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Key points

• Avoid "reply all" overload; use direct responses to build trust.
• Amplify others' achievements before showcasing your own.
• Build real connections by giving, not taking.

We all know someone who, after every minor achievement or social-media post, quickly sends out a flurry of messages: “Please like my post and leave a comment.” I’m on several of these group chats, and every time I see another request, I cringe.

The intention is clear: manipulating the social-media algorithm to gain visibility. But the problem with this approach is that it feels inauthentic and, frankly, it's exhausting. Instead of fostering engagement, these tactics are more likely to breed resentment and disengagement. Rather than adding value, this behavior creates noise, which causes people to tune the sender out.

These same individuals often misuse and abuse other group-communication platforms. How often do you see someone hit "reply all" on an email or group chat, turning a quick exchange into a tsunami of unnecessary messages, often filled with responses such as “Done” or “Thank you”? Platforms like WhatsApp have a "reply privately" feature to prevent this, yet it’s often ignored.

While these senders think they’re drawing attention to themselves, what they fail to realize is that they are being noticed for all the wrong reasons. Instead of being seen as contributors or collaborators, they come across as attention-seekers. To borrow Adam Grant's terminology, they’re acting like “takers,” not “givers.”

This behavior not only damages their reputation but also erodes trust. Over time, people grow tired of working with someone who prioritizes self-promotion over teamwork.

If you want to stand out and build meaningful relationships, focus less on what you can get and more on what you can give. Here are some actionable tips:

• Do: Amplify Others' Achievements. Instead of asking people to engage with your content, share something noteworthy about someone else. Highlight their successes or contributions publicly. This builds goodwill and strengthens your network.
• Don't: Constantly Ask for Favors. Repeatedly requesting engagement without reciprocating creates resentment. People want to support those who genuinely add value, not those who only reach out when they need something.
• Do: Add Value in Conversations. Before jumping into a group chat or email thread, ask yourself: “Am I contributing something meaningful?” Sharing resources, insights, or encouragement is far more impactful than self-promotion.
• Don't: Overuse Group Chats. Misusing group chats for personal promotion is a surefire way to irritate others. Use features like "reply privately" when your message isn’t relevant or of interest to everyone.
• Do: Build Genuine Connections. Nobody wants to be another check on your to-do list. Stop thinking of relationships as transactions. Focus on understanding others’ needs and goals. Ask how you can help, don’t make it about what you’ll gain in return—and by all means, don’t keep score.

Why Giving Matters More Than Taking

Rising tides raise all ships. When you support others, you create a network of people who want to see you succeed. When you are genuine in your interactions, they will offer to help you without ever being asked. Collaboration and authenticity always outshine self-serving tactics.

So the next time you feel the urge to hit “reply all” or ask for likes and comments, pause. Think about how you can add value instead. The recognition you seek will come, not because you asked for it, but because you earned it.