Finding Meaning in Caregiving

Despite challenges, caregiving roles offer opportunities for meaning and purpose

Reviewed by Davia Sills

Key points

• Meaning and suffering are not mutually exclusive.
• Simple strategies can help caregivers experience growth in the caregiving role.
• Meaning and purpose can help buffer the negative effects of caregiving.

November is National Family Caregivers Month. It is also the first anniversary of the death of former First Lady Rosalynn Carter. Mrs. Carter was a fierce advocate for family caregivers—the parents, partners, children, siblings, and friends of individuals living with chronic or life-limiting illnesses or disabilities who depend on others for care and support.

There are at least 53 million caregivers in the United States today. To borrow words from Mrs. Carter, each one of us was, is, or will be a caregiver at some point in our lives. Many of us enter and exit the caregiving role repeatedly throughout our lives. This is a role that deeply changes who we are and the trajectory of our lives moving forward.

Mrs. Carter focused much of her work on addressing the mental health needs of family caregivers. This has been my focus, too. Family caregivers are at high risk for psychopathology, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, and even suicidality, and they too often suffer in silence. When left untreated, this distress can endure and intensify and puts caregivers at risk of becoming the next generation of patients with chronic or life-limiting illnesses. The suffering of caregivers is profound, and addressing this suffering should be a public health priority.

The emotional experience of caregiving, however, is complex. One of the most important lessons that has emerged from my professional work supporting caregivers and my personal caregiving journey is that alongside suffering, caregiving provides us with the opportunity to connect to meaning and purpose and leads to incredible growth. I want to be clear that I am not talking about the power of positive thinking or turning lemons into lemonade. I would never invalidate the suffering that any caregiver faces. That suffering is real and needs attention and support. What I am suggesting, instead, is that even in our darkest and most devastating moments, meaning and purpose are always accessible to us, even if they seem invisible at first.

Over the past decade, my team and I developed Meaning-Centered Psychotherapy for Caregivers (MCP-C), a therapeutic approach that helps caregivers connect—or reconnect—to meaning and purpose in life despite the challenges they face. MCP-C is an adaptation of Meaning-Centered Psychotherapy, an approach based on the work of Viktor Frankl and originally developed by Dr. William Breitbart to assist patients with advanced life-limiting cancers to remain connected to meaning and purpose while facing profound limitations. Inspired by MCP-C, here I highlight a few ways in which you can remain connected to meaning and purpose despite the challenges of your inevitable caregiving role.

Remain connected to your authentic sense of self.

It’s easy to feel disconnected from your sense of self as a result of caregiving. Perhaps you’re no longer able to work full-time, travel, or engage in leisure activities you once enjoyed. However, who you are authentically deep down—as a caring person, as a lover of nature, as an athlete, for example—does not change because of caregiving. Anything you can do to remain connected to your authentic sense of self will help you maintain a sense of meaning despite the challenges of caregiving.

Honor the ways you have grown.

Inevitably, we develop new strengths as a result of caregiving. I’ve lost track of the number of caregivers who shared with me that they never knew how strong they were until they became caregivers or those who have told me that they found their voice through caregiving. Honoring the skills you have learned and the ways that you have grown as a result of caregiving can be incredibly meaningful, and these skills and strengths will benefit you long after your caregiving journey has ended.

Recognize that despite challenges, you can always choose your attitude.

While many of us feel like we have no choice when stepping into the caregiving role, we can choose how we face the many challenges, limitations, and losses presented to us in the context of caregiving. Choosing to delegate responsibilities or choosing to focus on the ways caregiving can allow you to connect more deeply to your care partner or mend a relationship are all examples of attitude-taking. Ultimately, reflecting on how you choose your attitude in the face of caregiving challenges can engender a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Let your five senses lead the way.

When the stress of caregiving becomes overwhelming, relying on your five senses and connecting to the world through love, beauty, and humor can help you to experience meaning and purpose. For example, through a tight hand-hold or hug, you may feel connected through your love for your care partner. You may be transported from your present suffering merely by listening to your favorite music or sharing a laugh at a difficult moment or feeling a sense of tranquility through experiencing the beauty of nature, which often serves as a reminder of the continuity of the world and the connectedness of humans to something much bigger than ourselves.