Why Resilience Is a Top Life Skill

Six ways to overcome obstacles and build resilience.

Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.

Key points

• Master resilience by using six ways to overcome obstacles.
• Adopt the mindset, “Don’t be a victim, but a warrior.”
• View challenge as something that happens “for you and not to you.”

To help you build your resilience as a top life skill, here are six ways to overcome obstacles, based on my research and new book: “Common Wisdom: 8 Scientific Elements of a Meaningful Life.”

As a physician and scientist, I was publishing extensively in academia until personal health challenges changed my life in 2013. As my body deteriorated and medical professionals were ready to label me, I noticed that the only people who thought outside the box were wise. So I created The Wisdom Research Project to learn more about people who were considered “wise.”

The most important element or life skill that a majority of our interviewees had was resilience. Many of these individuals had encountered great difficulties in life, yet they were not bitter or angry. They were at peace.

For instance, Sissy, one of our interviewees, survived the deaths of two husbands and is featured in our “Resilience” chapter. Instead of dwelling on the many challenges of these losses, Sissy wrote a book about how to overcome grief. Resilience is now a way of being for her. And she adopted the mindset, “Don’t be a victim, but a warrior.”

Let’s take a closer look at six ways that you can overcome obstacles based on the lessons learned from our research on wisdom.

1. Build a Mental Muscle to Overcome Obstacles

Life is not always fair, and is full of obstacles that we all have to overcome. Obstacles can help you build a mental muscle and make you stronger and wiser. In many ways, a person needs that obstacle to learn how to build resilience skills. After each set-back, you become more and more equipped to say, “I can do it,” to deal with the next stumbling block.

Through these experiences, you can build an inner confidence that helps you interact with the outside world. You can also realize that all challenges can be conquered. As you continue to encounter hurdles, instead of thinking “Why me,” think “Why not me?”

In spiritual terms, a way to view an obstacle is that it is there to develop your soul. And it is there because the divine feels like you can handle it. This challenge is happening “for you and not to you.”

2. Approach Obstacles Head-On

How do we build resilience? First, accept that the obstacle is happening. Be realistic and approach it head-on. Avoid thinking about what “should” and “should not” be because that is thinking about a situation that does not exist.

3. Separate Emotions From Life’s Hurdles

Separate emotions from the incident. Emotions are real and need to be addressed, but they should not dominate how you deal with life’s hurdles. While worry is an active part of the human experience, it does not change the outcome. The only thing being anxious does is make the experience much more difficult for you. For example, if a person receives a cancer diagnosis, sadness and concern are a large part of how one absorbs the news. Those emotions only make the process more miserable for the person. They do not “do” anything productive.

4. Believe That Things Will Work Out

In many ways, the process that can help build resilience is to “spiritually surrender.” This is a very difficult concept to grasp because it sounds like giving up. Yet that is not what it means. It means that one does all they physically can in the process without a focus on the outcome. It’s letting go of the fear of what will happen next, as you have given it your best. It removes a layer of anxiety. It’s a way of knowing that “things will work out.” Approach the challenge from a place of faith, not fear.

5. Be Grateful for Opportunity to Overpower Challenges

Another important part of approaching an obstacle “head-on” is to be grateful that it is happening. While that may sound unusual, gratitude can serve many purposes. It puts the ball in your court. Instead of the challenge controlling you, you control it. You think “bring it on,” and are excited to overpower the obstacle. Be thankful for this “test,” and approach it with an air of confidence.

6. Keep Going With Patience and Kindness

Resilience is a marker of success. It’s a notion that you keep going despite the difficulties faced. You don’t “give up,” as quitting would mean that you have given up on life. It’s not an easy quality to build, but having experience and perspective will help. Be kind and patient with yourself when dealing with life hurdles, and know that it will take time to work out.

I encourage you to step back and reflect on these six advice tips that can help you build your resilience. Go for a walk, write a journal, and/or read our “Common Wisdom” book to learn more about our secrets to success for building your inner peace.