How False Memories Can Ensnare Us in a Cycle of Abuse

A dangerous form of manipulation used to control and isolate individuals.

Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer

Key points

• Memories are not perfect reconstructions of events, they are malleable and are prone to outside influence.
• Abusers, cults, and unethical therapy can create false memories which isolate a person from their loved ones.
• False memory manipulation distorts reality, sowing self-doubt and increasing vulnerability to undue influence.
• Being aware of and recognizing false memory manipulation is key to maintaining autonomy or breaking free.

Memory shapes us. Our beliefs, thoughts, fears, rationalities – all are shaped by our past experiences in the form of memory. Memories anchor us to the past and help us make sense of the present. Conversely, our current experiences also shape the memories of our past, and new information can warp our perception of things we have experienced. So, what happens when our memories are manipulated? We can be convinced that our memories are wrong, or worse, that we have experienced events that have never even taken place. False memories can be used as a powerful tool of control. In the hands of an abuser, a cult leader, or even an overzealous but untrained therapist, false memories can shatter an individual’s understanding of everything around them, sowing distrust in their family, friends – even in their own minds – leaving them highly susceptible to undue influence and manipulation.

What Is a False Memory?

False memory refers to the phenomenon where we recollect events that never occurred, or we might remember them differently from how they happened. False memories are more common than you may realize! Since our experiences and knowledge frame memories, we constantly compile new information that reshapes our memories. One mainstream example of false memory is the “Mandela Effect,” in which millions of people falsely remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 1980s when, in reality, he was released from prison, served as South Africa’s President, and did not die until 2013. The term “Mandela Effect” is now used colloquially to describe these shared false memories.

While memory distortions can occur spontaneously due to false perceptions, biases, or conflations, they can also be deliberately implanted through suggestion, coercion, or manipulation. A false memory can feel as true as a real one and shape our perceptions of the world and our lived experience just as any real memory would.

False Memory Manipulation

False Memories can be used as tools of control in abusive relationships, cults, and other one-on-one abuse situations like harmful therapy. These manipulative tactics distort an individual’s sense of reality, erode their self-trust, and isolate them from their support networks.

In abusive relationships, false memories are often used to gaslight the victim. A partner with undue influence might convince the victim that conflicts result from the victim’s shortcomings, shift blame, and coerce them into believing things happened differently from how they actually happened. Over time, the victim internalizes these false narratives, doubting their reality. This tactic creates a state of confusion and self-doubt, increasing reliance and dependency on the abuser. Gaslighting erodes faith and confidence in any relationships outside of the abuser, isolating the victim from their friends and family, which makes it extremely difficult to break free.

In cults, false memories are weaponized on a larger scale. Cult leaders often convince members to reinterpret their past through their ideology. Followers are often coerced into believing that their families were abusive and that their lives before the cult were full of traumatic events, even when this wasn’t the case. They may even be convinced that contacting their family will put them in grave danger. By implanting these memories, the cult leaders isolate members from outside influence, drawing them further into their doctrine and sowing distrust in outside support and institutions that were unwilling to help them recognize the abuse, strengthening trust and dependence on the group. Therefore, this technique not only severs ties with loved ones but also convinces members that the cult is their only source of safety, making outside influence and escape nearly impossible.

Harmful therapy can also create false memories. When a patient seeks mental health treatment, they are in a vulnerable state where they can be prone to undue influence. As authority figures, mental health professionals are responsible for maintaining professional boundaries and not making false assumptions that can influence patients. It is important not to assume that a patient's struggles are due to trauma or demand that they probe into their past, seeking something that might not be there. Therapy that seeks to recover so-called “repressed memories” can be extremely dangerous, especially when utilizing suggestive techniques like hypnosis or leading questions. These false memories can destroy relationships as clients may come to believe they were abused by family members or loved ones based on fabricated recollections. Worse, the patient can become trapped in a cycle of dependency with their therapist, believing that this professional is the only one who can help them make sense of their distorted reality.

One prominent example of false memory manipulation is the McMartin Preschool trial. In this chilling case, children began to recollect horrifying experiences of taking part in satanic cult rituals at their daycare. These memories were implanted by unwitting therapists and police officers who asked the children leading questions. As a result, innocent people spent years in jail, and children were devastated by events that had never occurred. These false accusations culminated in the longest and most expensive court trial that America had ever seen. At the same time, the entire nation was swept up in mass hysteria as dozens of copycat cases cropped up throughout the country throughout the 1980s and 1990s, in what has become known as the “Satanic Panic.”

Breaking Free From False Memory

False memories are a powerful tool used by cults, unethical therapists, and abusers to control and isolate individuals from their support networks and sow self-doubt. Survivors of undue influence must recognize the impact of memory manipulation and seek ethical support.

In my work, I have seen the damage false memories can wreak. They help coercive individuals maintain control. Understanding these tactics is critical to protecting ourselves and others. We must remain vigilant to manipulative tactics so we can protect ourselves from destructive influences and protect our autonomy from cults and undue influence.