Why Some People Are Attracted to Cruelty

Several key factors contribute to the motivation for cruelty.

Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.

Key points

• Many individuals are attracted to causing suffering to other humans and animals.
• The desire for power and control is a major factor that supports cruelty.
• Compassion is an anecdote to cruelty.

I remember, as a ten-year-old, spending some time with another child I met when I made my first trip upstate from my home in New York City. He handed me a BB rifle and instructed me how to shoot it. After aiming at various targets, I soon spotted a little bird sitting on a branch in the distance. I impulsively shot it, watched it fall, and immediately felt both queasy and guilty. I refused to approach it as I was too fearful of what I might find. It is a memory and reaction that has remained with me for over six decades and has informed my aversion to cruelty.

Cruelty is defined as any action that causes pain or suffering to a person or animal—sometimes with indifference, but often with delight. Certainly, while many people may not like cruelty, there are many who are attracted to cruelty. They may simply like to observe it, like children in a school yard goading their peers to fight each other or attendees at a mixed martial arts competition. Or, as evidenced in certain political rallies, they might be inclined to hear the cruelty of denigrating others. This might include verbally attacking certain people or diminishing them in a variety of ways to dehumanize them. There are a variety of factors that may trigger the attraction to cruelty by any individual.

Reasons for cruelty

Factors that make cruelty attractive to some people include the following:

The desire for power and control

This is often the driving force for prejudice, harassment, and even violence. It may underlie misogyny, bias, and harassment in the workplace, and even domestic violence.

This desire may also support racism that impacts prejudicial policies or physical or emotional cruelty. It can similarly be the basis for assaults on the LGBT+ community.

An expression of anger

Anger, experienced consciously or unconsciously, may contribute to various forms of cruelty. As such, it may be an outgrowth of the desire for vengeance toward those who have caused one to experience emotional or physical suffering.

A reaction to fear

Cruelty may be a reaction to fear, a sense of threat triggered by others, whether real or imagined. As described by Paul Gilbert, psychologist and founder of Compassion Focused Therapy, “…some forms of cruelty are rooted in fear and threat — so the more we feel threatened by people the more unpleasant we can become to them, and therefore compassion helps people to reduce or not act on the threat” (Kseib, 2018).

An outgrowth of child trauma

Childhood trauma involving physical or sexual abuse, witnessing either, or neglect can lead to a predisposition toward cruelty. This may be a way of dealing with being overwhelmed by events and negative emotions that have not been fully processed, acknowledged, and grieved.

An early attachment with someone who is cruel may lead an adult to unwittingly seek closeness with others who are cruel—in part due to their familiarity. They may unwittingly behave in ways that evoke such behavior. Or, as suggested by Freud, some people may seek a partner who is cruel with the fantasy that they can correct an earlier relationship.

Connection with a group

Some people may be cruel in an effort to be accepted by a group that espouses cruelty. This might be evidenced in a teenager who is cruel in an effort to gain acceptance by a gang or by those who seek acceptance by a political movement that supports cruelty.

I worked with a teenager who threw balloons filled with water from the walking bridge overlooking a highway. His peers had a long history of anger toward authority, including their parents. Our discussion revealed that he was motivated primarily by a desire to be accepted by his peers, especially as he had just moved to that area.

At times, negative emotions can be contagious in a group, causing members to regress, and behave in ways that reflect less mature judgment and emotional maturity than might be typical for them. This is reflected in mobs, political rallies, and similar formats. Similarly, it is also evidenced by group outliers who may act violently, in order to gain group approval.

Compassion as the antidote to cruelty

To a great extent, empathy is essential for compassion. As such, the absence of or limited empathy may contribute to cruelty. As a clinician, I’ve always asked clients the following question as part of my initial diagnostic interview:

“Did you grow up in a home with a ‘thick’ or ‘thin’ front’ door?" This is a metaphor for assessing openness toward and interaction with others—friends, relatives, and neighbors. In general, those who had a thin door have a broader range of empathy than those who had a thick door, which is associated with a more constricted range of compassion. With a thick door, people tend to develop a perspective of “us” versus “them” in contrast to a sense of “we”. This same attitude may be supported by one’s peers, community, religion, region, culture, media, or political leaders.

Those who fear or are uncomfortable with compassion are more likely to view it as soft, vulnerable, and a sign of weakness. However, as described by Paul Gilbert, compassion is the antidote to cruelty. And I should add, self-compassion is an antidote to cruelty directed toward oneself. Truly reducing cruelty calls for the cultivation of compassion–on an individual and societal level–in therapy, education, religion, public policy, and in political advocacy. This means compassion over cruelty in our treatment of animals, the planet, and other people.