Why We Need to Talk About Our Emotions With Young People

Emotional awareness is key to a young person's success.

Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Key points

• Teaching teens to express emotions is crucial for their emotional health and future success.
• Emotional awareness helps teens improve communication and resolve conflicts more effectively.
• Learning emotional regulation prevents unhealthy coping, like substance use or emotional shutdowns.
• Balancing emotional awareness and regulation builds resilience and equips teens to handle stress.

When parents realize their teen or young adult doesn’t understand or know how to talk about their emotions, they often encourage their kids to see me. They worry about how this will affect future relationships and their ability to handle stress and high-pressure situations. The parents understand the importance; however, the teen or young adult sitting across from me rarely does.

Many of my young clients struggle with their emotions, from identifying their feelings to having the vocabulary to share them. I’ve had countless teens and young adults tell me that talking about their emotions will make them feel worse or that it’s a sign of weakness. They’ll then tell me how they hide or avoid their emotions, and what they do when they can’t anymore (spoiler alert: it’s never healthy). It takes some time and lots of open-ended questions rooted in curiosity to get them to see the importance of talking about emotions, but I’m always right by their side, every step of the way.

Emotional Awareness Leads to Self-Regulation

Self-awareness and self-regulation go hand in hand, and we can’t regulate what we don’t understand. When an adolescent doesn’t understand the feeling they’re experiencing, it’s more difficult for them to manage that emotion. And if they can’t manage (aka regulate) it, they’re going to end up numbing themselves to the uncomfortable and difficult feeling instead. This might mean relying on alcohol, drugs, or other substances. It could also mean completely shutting down or engaging in other self-harming behaviors.

In contrast, too much awareness without regulation will lead to anxiety and depression. There needs to be a balance between the two. Researchers have found that if your teen is overly focused on how they feel, think, and act but cannot regulate, they’re not helping themselves. They’re likely going to feel worse. They’re likely to stay stuck in a negative emotional state, replaying a situation in their head, and unable to move on to something more productive or helpful. However, when your teen understands their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, they’re able to repair negative mood states. When they repair negative mood states, they cope better with stressful events and can minimize negative thoughts (Armstrong, Galligan, and Critchley 2011).

How Emotional Awareness Benefits Teens

Emotional awareness helps young people with communication skills and strengthens relationships. When they identify how they’re feeling, they’re better equipped to communicate effectively with their peers and to handle interpersonal issues and conflicts as they arise. A teen without emotional awareness might overreact to a friend problem, creating further conflict or shut down in the face of disagreement, causing their friends to feel confused and distance themselves as a result.

In addition, an emotionally aware young person tends to experience more social connectedness. They can feel and express empathy towards others, leading to closer relationships. And because they know what it’s like to experience emotions, rather than shut them down, they understand better when others are going through difficult feelings or moods. They’re able to not get pulled into someone else’s emotional roller coaster or take it too personally.

When young people learn how to identify and discuss their emotions, they also build resilience in handling challenges and adversity. Emotional awareness helps them recognize and process stress, which in turn helps them strengthen problem-solving skills and increases self-confidence. And by articulating their feelings, they’re more likely to seek support, thereby creating balance and building trusting relationships.

How to Encourage Emotional Awareness

• Start by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment. Whenever your teen shares anything with you, imagine that they’ve cracked the door open a bit. Your job is to encourage them to open it wider, not slam it shut. By asking questions out of curiosity, rather than jumping in with opinions, advice, or problem-solving, you’re helping them open the door a bit more.
• Integrate emotional vocabulary into your family culture. If needed, print out a feeling wheel online and post it on the fridge, or buy emotional vocabulary flashcards to help everyone learn how to name feelings. Start using more complex feeling words to describe your observations of what your teen might be feeling and ask them to try to describe their emotional states regularly.
• Model emotional expression as a parent or caregiver. Young people don’t exist in a vacuum and if you’re not talking about emotions yourself, it’ll be harder for them to learn. Share your feelings daily and discuss the positive, negative, simple, and complex. If you have a partner or co-parent, make sure you’re practicing emotional expression in healthy ways in front of your adolescent as well.

In a world where emotions are often misunderstood or dismissed, teaching young people to identify, express, and regulate their feelings is essential for their well-being and future success. Emotional awareness strengthens communication skills, deepens relationships, and builds resilience in handling life's challenges. It equips teens with the tools to process stress, solve problems, and seek support when needed. By creating a safe, emotionally expressive environment and modeling healthy emotional habits, parents and caregivers can help teens develop the balance of self-awareness and self-regulation they need to thrive. Talking about emotions isn't a sign of weakness—it's a foundation for strength.