Letting Go of the Fear of Being Single

If single, embrace your independence.

Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

Key points

• We’ve been conditioned to believe that singlehood is synonymous with loneliness, inadequacy, or failure.
• Learning to embrace singlehood can be one of the most liberating and empowering experiences of your life.
• To truly overcome the fear of being single, shift your focus from finding someone to finding yourself.

We live in a world that tells us being single is something to avoid, something to escape from as quickly as possible. From movies and books to social media, the message is clear: Happiness is found in being part of a couple, and if you’re single, something’s wrong. It’s no wonder that so many of us are afraid of being single—we’ve been conditioned to believe that singlehood is synonymous with loneliness, inadequacy, or failure.

But here’s the truth: The fear of being single is based on a myth. Being single doesn’t mean you’re incomplete, broken, or destined to be alone forever. In fact, learning to embrace singlehood can be one of the most liberating and empowering experiences of your life.

In Single on Purpose, I talk about the power of embracing your independence and letting go of the fear of being single. When you stop running from singlehood and start seeing it as an opportunity for growth, transformation, and self-love, everything changes.

If you’ve been holding on to the fear of being single, here’s how to let it go and start embracing your independence.

1. Challenge the Myths You’ve Been Taught About Singlehood

The fear of being single often stems from societal myths that tell us single people are less happy, less fulfilled, and less worthy than those in relationships. These myths create a deep-rooted belief that being single is something to avoid at all costs. But the truth is, these myths aren’t based on reality—they’re based on societal pressures and outdated narratives about relationships.

Therapist’s To-Do: Take a moment to reflect on the beliefs you’ve been taught about singlehood. Write down any myths or fears you have about being single, such as I’ll be lonely forever or Being single means I’m not good enough. Then, challenge those beliefs by asking yourself, Is this really true? Look for evidence in your life or in the lives of others that contradicts these myths. You’ll likely find that many of the beliefs you’ve been holding onto are unfounded.

2. Shift Your Focus From Finding Someone to Finding Yourself

When we’re afraid of being single, we tend to focus all our energy on finding someone to fill the void. We jump from relationship to relationship, hoping that the next person will make us feel complete. But here’s the reality: No one else can fill that void for you. The only way to truly overcome the fear of being single is to shift your focus from finding someone to finding yourself.

Therapist’s To-Do: Instead of worrying about when or if you’ll find the “right” person, start focusing on becoming the best version of yourself. Ask yourself: What do I want to explore in my life? What passions have I neglected? What goals can I work toward? Use this time to invest in your growth, your passions, and your well-being. The more you focus on building a life that fulfills you, the less you’ll fear being single.

3. Redefine What Success and Fulfillment Look Like

Many of us measure success and fulfillment by societal milestones—getting married, having a family, and settling down. But these milestones don’t define your worth or happiness. In fact, success and fulfillment look different for everyone, and they don’t have to involve a relationship.

Therapist’s To-Do: Redefine what success and fulfillment mean to you. Ask yourself: What does a fulfilling life look like for me, regardless of my relationship status? Write down your goals, dreams, and passions that are independent of being in a relationship. Whether it’s pursuing a career you love, traveling, or developing new skills, remind yourself that you can have a full, rich life without needing to follow the traditional path.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

One of the biggest reasons people fear being single is that they equate it with failure. They think, If I’m single, it means I’m not good enough, or I’ve failed in some way. But being single isn’t a reflection of your worth or your value as a person. It’s simply a stage of life—one that offers unique opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

Therapist’s To-Do: Start practicing self-compassion by reminding yourself that being single doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Be kind to yourself when feelings of fear or inadequacy come up. Acknowledge those feelings without judgment and remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status. Try daily affirmations like I am whole and complete as I am or My value is not determined by my relationship status.

5. Embrace the Freedom and Opportunities of Singlehood

One of the greatest gifts of being single is the freedom it provides. You have the opportunity to fully explore your interests, passions, and goals without the compromises that come with being in a relationship. This is your time to focus on yourself and create a life that excites you.

Therapist’s To-Do: Start viewing singlehood as a time of freedom and possibility. Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet pursued. Maybe it’s traveling, taking up a new hobby, or working toward a personal goal. Commit to doing at least one of those things in the coming weeks, and embrace the fact that you get to design your life on your own terms.

The fear of being single is a myth that’s been ingrained in us by society. But when you challenge those myths, shift your focus inward, and embrace the freedom that comes with singlehood, you’ll realize that this stage of life isn’t something to be afraid of—it’s something to celebrate.