What Can You Do, When You Can’t Do Anything?

Take steps to regain control and resilience when you feel helpless.

Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Key points

• There are steps you can take when feeling helpless after a stressful situation.
• Be realistic with your feelings and allow them to occur.
• There are ways to turn helplessness into achievable goals.

When we can't do anything about a situation, it can be overwhelming. We can feel powerless, or stuck in a situation where we believe you have no control or ability to improve things. When we don’t see a way out, these feelings can compound, making it harder to think clearly or find solutions. The brain may struggle to process complex emotions, leading to feeling “stuck,” which can be frustrating and draining.

Feeling helpless is unsettling. We want to act, solve problems, or find solutions to improve things for ourselves or others. Losing that ability can lead to anger, frustration, sadness, or even despair. You may even want to throw your hands up in the air because you just don’t know what to do to fix the problem. You may feel vulnerable, lost, and confused. It's a vulnerability that exposes our fears about our ability to cope or adapt since, in the moment, our typical methods for handling stress seem ineffective due to the intensity of our emotions.

Facing a situation that did not go the way we had hoped can feel deeply uncomfortable, which amplifies our anxiety and stress. It is natural to feel disappointed, frustrated, or even disheartened. What we can do about it is to channel those feelings into a sense of empowerment.

I encourage you to take these five steps:

1. Be Realistic About Your Feelings. You are human. Feel your emotions, including anger. Lack of control in situations is deeply personal, especially when the outcomes impact you or your community. These feelings are valid and a normal response to feeling unheard, hurt, or facing unexpected change.
2. Set Boundaries. To understand issues more deeply, stay informed using reputable sources and seek balanced perspectives but set limits to avoid burnout. Continuous exposure to situations can add more stress and anxiety. Consider using scheduled breaks to ensure that you decompress and find new ways to engage or adapt. This includes social media and other news sources.
3. Use Your Community for Support. Realistically, we all need one another to communicate with and to share our values and concerns. This can be comforting and help us share ideas, plan initiatives, and encourage each other to keep working toward shared goals.
4. Focus on You. Find the time to reflect on your values and goals. Practice them to make a positive impact in your immediate surroundings. This can be empowering and serve as a reminder that you still have control over your actions and mindset despite the circumstances.
5. Create Long-Term Goals. Since change can be slow, remind yourself that setbacks are part of the process and bring forth new opportunities for advocacy and change. Focus on long-term goals for positive change to build resilience, even in difficult climates.

After hard work, hope, and dedication, a situation that does not go in our favor can be disheartening, especially after so much effort has been put into a cause or a vision for the future. It can feel like a rejection of ideas, values, or plans that were close to your heart. This disappointment may also come with a sense of grief over missed opportunities for change. Take time to process these feelings, knowing that many people experience similar emotions and that they are a valid part of disappointment. In time, reflection, resilience, and commitment can help us refocus, drawing on lessons learned to inform future efforts.

Feeling discouragement often comes from a place of caring deeply about something that did not go as planned. We naturally want to feel effective, valuable, and purposeful. When we feel helpless, it can seem like our actions do not matter, leading to a loss of motivation and sometimes a sense of meaninglessness. When this happens, we stop trying to change or improve situations, leaving us feeling powerless in the face of challenges. I know that it feels disheartening when situations do not go your way, but your voice, choices, and actions still matter.

The more helpless we feel, the harder it can become to take proactive steps or see alternative perspectives. To combat this, maintain your mental and emotional health so that you can stay motivated and engaged. Participate in activities that provide you with peace to prevent additional stress. The passion behind your commitment is still valuable, and it may find new pathways, whether through other forms of personal engagement or personal growth. Remember, your goals are still achievable, even if the path to them looks different than you first envisioned.

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