Pass the Turkey—and Put Down the Phone

How to reclaim connection this Thanksgiving.

Reviewed by Kaja Perina

Key points

• Model balance: When parents limit screen time, teens are more likely to adopt healthier tech habits.
• Set limits: Clear, shared boundaries like “no phones at dinner” foster family connection and mutual respect.
• Celebrate small wins: Praise effort when teens engage, reinforcing unplugged moments and meaningful progress.
• Connection matters: Teens may not remember their texts, but they’ll cherish being truly present.

I recently attended a Thanksgiving event that left a lasting impression. The room was filled with families—parents eager to connect, while teens were deeply absorbed in their screens. Phones, tablets, and laptops seemed to take center stage, pushing real conversations to the sidelines.

Parents tried asking their teens questions, only to be met with hurried responses, a distracted “What?”, or, worst of all, complete silence. Watching this unfold was frustrating—and, as a child psychologist, a little heartbreaking. I know how essential family connection is, especially during the holidays, but I also understand how hard it can be for today’s teens to balance their digital world with the one right in front of them.

Why Teens Struggle to Disconnect

It’s tempting to chalk this behavior up to rudeness, but the truth is far more nuanced. For teens, screens aren’t just entertainment—they’re lifelines. Teens connect with friends mostly on social media, through texts, and by playing video games with each other. Technology is the way in which they unwind, and even partly shape their sense of identity.

Research supports this. A study in JAMA Pediatrics (2019) found that teens rely heavily on technology to maintain friendships and seek social validation. It makes sense that their screens compete for their attention--every like, notification, or message triggers a dopamine rush, and this reinforces the urge to stay plugged in. For many teens, putting their phone down feels less like a small ask and more like a punishment.

So, while it may feel frustrating (and let’s be honest, it is frustrating) when they’re glued to their devices, understanding the pull they feel is essential. That said, it’s just as important for the adults in their lives to model balance. Teens need to see that while screens have their place, they’re not appropriate in every setting.

Resisting the pull and knowing when to unplug is a skill worth building. So, let’s make this Thanksgiving a starting point with a few simple tips:

Three Tips to Help Teens Unplug This Thanksgiving

You’ve Heard It Before: Model the Behavior You Want to See

Let’s be honest: it’s tough to encourage a “no phones at dinner” rule if you’re sneaking a glance at your own email or scrolling through your feed. Teens notice these things—sometimes more than we’d like—and it can make the rule feel less important. Leading by example shows them that family time matters and that disconnecting can be a good thing for everyone.

Research backs this up: a 2021 study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that teens whose parents modeled balanced tech use were more likely to adopt healthier habits themselves. So this Thanksgiving, lead by example. Put your phone in another room, focus on the conversation, and prove that family time is worth unplugging for.

Set Limits—But Make Them Sound Less Like Rules and More Like a Team Effort

Teens may roll their eyes at rules, but they thrive with structure (even if they won’t admit it). A study in Pediatrics (2017) found that families with clear boundaries around screen use reported stronger relationships and more positive interactions.

This Thanksgiving, set simple, clear limits like “no phones at the table” or “screens off during family games.” Frame it as a shared effort: “Let’s take an hour to focus on each other—phones can wait until dessert.”

Want to up the fun? Make it a game: whoever checks their phone first has to do the dishes or wear the turkey hat all night. Humor can make boundaries much easier to swallow and turn the challenge into a lighthearted family moment.

Celebrate Small Wins

Change doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Even small moments of progress deserve recognition. Behavioral research shows that positive reinforcement is one of the most effective ways to encourage lasting behavior change. A study in Child Development (2020) found that praising effort, rather than perfection, helps teens stay motivated to keep improving.

If your teen puts their phone down for a little while, joins the conversation, or shows any effort to engage, let them know it matters. A simple “Thanks for being so present tonight” or “I really loved hearing your thoughts during dinner” can go a long way. Teens like to feel appreciated for their efforts, and that small positive comment can reinforce further behavioral change—such as more unplugged family interactions. Who knows, they may even start to enjoy those connected exchanges with you (and others!).

Connection Over Perfection

Teens aren’t going to abandon their phones overnight, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to ban technology; it’s to create balance—one small moment at a time.

As someone who’s seen firsthand the impact of family connection, I can promise you this: those moments matter. Long after the turkey’s gone and the leftovers are packed up, what teens will remember most is the feeling of truly being present with the people who love them.

So this Thanksgiving, take a deep breath, set realistic expectations, and focus on progress, not perfection. Connection doesn’t have to be flawless—it just has to be real.