How to Explain Misophonia and Communicate Your Needs

Fostering understanding of misophonia can create a supportive environment.

Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Key points

• Discuss misophonia in calm settings when neither party is triggered.
• Clearly communicate needs across all relationships for understanding and support.
• Address triggers politely, asking for adjustments while remaining calm to prevent conflict.

If persons with misophonia live with this condition, they’ve likely struggled to explain it to others. Misophonia is likely a neurophysiological condition where specific sounds, like chewing or tapping, trigger extreme emotional reactions such as anger, anxiety, or even panic. While these sounds may seem trivial to others, they can feel overwhelming to someone with misophonia, leading to distress and discomfort. Sharing this experience can be challenging, especially when the person they are speaking to might not understand their condition.

Research from a 2017 paper by Kumar indicates that misophonia has a neurophysiological basis. This means that the distress persons with misophonia feel when hearing trigger sounds is real and measurable in brain activity. While this is still a relatively new field of study, growing evidence supports the neurophysiological basis for misophonia.

The anticipation of someone’s reaction can make persons with misophonia hesitant to bring it up. It might seem easier to stay silent to avoid confrontation, but this often leads to more prolonged suffering. Instead, learning to explain misophonia effectively can foster understanding, strengthen relationships, and help create a more accommodating environment.

Setting the Stage for a Productive Conversation

When discussing misophonia, timing matters. Make sure both persons are calm and not currently triggered (or upset over something else). Misophonia can put a person into a heightened state of anger or fear, as described by Rouw and Erfanian in 2018, especially if they are exposed to a triggering sound during the conversation.

Choosing a neutral, calm moment to initiate the conversation is important. The goal should be to keep it positive and informative. It can start by explaining that misophonia is a likely neurophysiological condition that triggers an involuntary fight-or-flight response to certain sounds as reported in the consensus definition by Swedo and colleagues in 2022. Emphasize that it’s not just this person or environment that affects them—this is an issue that affects various areas of their life. This helps the listener understand that they’re not being blamed, but rather the person is explaining their experience.

Consider providing educational materials or directing them to reputable sources about misophonia. Though research is still in its early stages, offering well-sourced information can help them understand what persons with misophonia are going through. This can lend credibility to their explanation and show that the condition is real and documented, even if it is lesser known.

How to Handle Triggers in Real-Time

It’s almost inevitable that the person being spoken to will trigger the individual at some point, especially if they are unaware of their sensitivities. If this happens during the conversation, the person with misophonia should try to remain calm and non-confrontational. They can politely point out the trigger, explain that it’s part of their condition, and ask if the other person could adjust their behavior. For example, they might say, “I’m sorry, but the sound of tapping is one of my triggers. Could you please stop?” It’s important to ensure the other person understands they’re not being blamed—this is just part of living with misophonia.

It’s also crucial not to apologize for having misophonia or make excuses. Be straightforward in explaining that this is likely a neurophysiological condition without a known cure and that accommodations are being sought to manage it. If the conversation starts to go awry or the person becomes defensive, it’s okay to excuse oneself before it escalates. Sometimes stepping away gives both parties time to reflect and keeps things from intensifying.

After the Conversation

Even after a productive conversation, it’s likely the person will still trigger the individual from time to time. This isn’t a reflection of their disregard for the condition—rather, they aren’t accustomed to thinking about misophonia as frequently. It’s important to be patient and avoid holding it against them unless they are deliberately trying to trigger the individual.

If a reminder is needed about a trigger, it should be done politely. For example, if a co-worker starts chewing loudly nearby, the person could say, “Hey, I’m getting triggered. I’ll step out for a minute.” Staying composed helps maintain a respectful relationship and reinforces that they’re managing the condition thoughtfully. If you don't like language such as "triggered" you can use something like "my misophonia is bothering me," or "I am overstimulated". The language used is less important than keeping the encounter from escalating.

Navigating Misophonia in Different Relationships

With Bosses or Administrators. Talking to a boss about misophonia can feel intimidating, but it’s necessary if the condition is affecting work performance. Approach the conversation with preparation, explaining that misophonia is likely a neurophysiological condition that affects the ability to concentrate or function in certain environments. If the boss is unsupportive, knowing legal rights around workplace accommodations is essential.

With Coworkers. Handling misophonia in the workplace can be tricky, especially when coworkers don’t understand the severity of the condition. It’s best to approach them when not triggered, explain calmly, and ask for their cooperation. If they’re uncooperative, consider talking to a supervisor, who should already be aware of the condition.

With Friends. Socializing with friends can be difficult when misophonia triggers are present. Activities like eating out or attending noisy events can quickly become stressful. Plan outings that minimize triggers, and don’t hesitate to set boundaries. True friends will respect the condition and make efforts to choose more comfortable activities.

With Family. Family members can be particularly difficult to handle when it comes to misophonia. These relationships are often the most intense, and because of this, family members may be less understanding. Repeatedly explaining the condition and asking for accommodations may be necessary. Over time, most family members will learn to be more mindful of triggers, but it may take patience and persistence.

With Romantic Partners. Romantic relationships require open and honest communication about misophonia. Because so much time is spent with a partner, they will likely trigger the individual frequently. It’s important to explain needs clearly and work together on solutions, like creating trigger-free zones or non-verbal cues for when space is needed.

Final Thoughts

Living with misophonia can feel isolating, but learning to explain the condition and setting boundaries can foster understanding in relationships. It may take time for others to adjust, but with patience and clear communication, it’s possible to create an environment where both persons with misophonia and those around them feel respected and supported.

This post is adapted from the book Misophonia Matters: An Advocacy-Based Approach to Coping with Misophonia for Adults, Teens, and Clinicians. Imperceptions Press. Hayes-Raymond, S. (2024).