How to Enjoy Halloween with Young Children

A dose of Halloween spook can nudge healthy emotional regulation skills.

Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Key points

• Halloween offers parents an opportunity to introduce young children to small doses of slightly scary stuff.
• Fears are part of life; the earlier we help children learn to manage them, the better.
• Establish Halloween as a family ritual that involves everyone in interesting activities for young children.

Sam, a confident kindergartner, had chosen his scarecrow costume early and was trying it out on his grandfather. “Am I scary, Grampa? I want to be scary! Do you think people will know it’s me?”

Grampa: “You’ll fool some people, Sam, and you are plenty scary. But what about Joey and Anna? You’re going with them this year, and they are a little young to be scaring folks.”

Sam: “Mom says it’s only Joey ‘cause Aunt Susan thinks Anna is not ready for Halloween.” His 3-year-old twin cousins were different “spirits” when it came to adventures, so Sam was not surprised. He did think Joey’s doggy costume was “for babies.”

Grampa: “Your teddy bear costume was fine with you when you were his age. Kids have to grow into Halloween, Sam, just like you are doing, and only if they want to. Your mom loves scary stuff more than your dad, but she didn’t always.”

“I love scary stuff,” Sam growled fiercely.

Like his mom, Sam didn’t always either. And he’s still far from being a disciple of gore and terror. His dad had to help him calm down last year after his uncle showed up unexpectedly in a werewolf mask, sending Sam running from the room. He settled after his dad explained that his uncle was “playing dress up,” a favorite activity of Sam and his pre-K buddies.

A few decades back, Halloween was still mostly for kids, and it was less menacing than it’s become, tarted up by Hollywood, social media, and a nationwide preoccupation with zombies. Does that mean Aunt Susan should “protect” sensitive Anna from it? Only she and her husband know what’s best for her, but I’ve come to believe that Halloween—since it’s not going away anytime soon—may have some use as a community-embedded ritual that offers parents an opportunity to introduce their young children to small doses of slightly scary stuff to strengthen their emotional regulation skillset. For me, this is analogous to peanut exposure at 4-6 months of age as a way of reducing allergy development later in life. How this would work:

• Establish Halloween as an annual family ritual that involves everyone in novel and inherently interesting activities for young children, such as cooking or baking what appeals to your family’s culture and imagination (pumpkin and witch cookies ruled early in the Pruett kitchen) or decorating the house inside and out with stuff that piques curiosity and interest in fall as a season.

• Plan outings to see what the neighborhood is up to, and ask your little ones to describe what they see and what they like. For example, corn mazes pop up in some parts of the country and put kids and adults on a more level playing field for fun. Save haunted houses and scary amusement rides for middle school.

• Handle trick or treat ahead of time. Go early while there’s still enough light and let the teenagers wait for total darkness to howl. Let your kids know you’re with them the whole time. It’s a strange business, asking for candy, often from strangers, unless you go with “known treaters only.” In either case, you need to keep an eye on how they are managing this adventure. Are they getting the hang of it, and growing a bit of confidence despite their initial reluctance? Or are they getting quieter and looking confused or upset? If the latter, declare victory, go home early, and enjoy the loot (in moderation). There’s always next year.

• With costumes, comfort and safety should trump glitz. Masks are more safety hazard than entertainment, and typically not worth the confusion they cause at this young age; face painting works better for young children. For a manageable dose of the slightly scary, if your children are more curious than scared, engage them in a peek-a-boo version to show them who is behind your mask and that putting the mask on does not change you into something different or scary (this is a common concern among magically thinking preschoolers).

Since fears are a universal part of daily life, the earlier we help our children learn to manage them, the less anxiety will rule their lives down the road. Halloween can be a chance to have some fun managing those fears in small doses. Spookiness has its uses.