Can Laughter Fuel Your Love Life?

"Happily ever after" is helped by giggles and guffaws.

Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

Key points

• Humor is a dialogue that conveys romantic interest in another person.
• People attracted to their partner they are more likely to make jokes and appreciate their partner's jokes.
• Behind humor is intelligence, creativity, shared worldviews, and sociality—the likelihood to form groups.

Several years ago researcher Norman Li wondered why it seemed as if women who found him attractive also laughed at his jokes, while people who didn't find him attractive were unlikely to find him funny.

Li wondered if people might use humor as a type of dialogue that conveys romantic interest in another person. He began to research the effect of humor in newly formed couples. More recently, Li and another professor, Kenneth Tan, became curious about the relationship between long-term relationships and humor.

The duo asked 108 couples (216 participants) to keep a daily diary for seven days. Each participant was asked to indicate their level of satisfaction in the relationship. They found that an increased number of humorous exchanges on days when they felt more satisfied and committed in their relationship were most likely to relate to overall relationship satisfaction.

The results of their study suggest an interest-indicator model of humor.

What does this mean?

When people are attracted to their partner (in the beginning of their relationship) and/or comfortable with their partner (in the later stages of the relationship), they are more likely to make jokes and appreciate their partner's sense of humor.

Laughing together

A 2017 experiment by Kurtz and Algoe echoed these findings, but with a focus on shared laughter.

They found that sharing the same joke, or the same sense of humor, contributes to improved quality of relationships, in large part because it establishes similarity between two otherwise unknown individuals.

The similarity is comfortable and safe, fueling the bedrock for the base relationship.

But, why humor?

Most relationship-improving reasons are rooted in survival instincts.

Why is family important? Because safety in numbers better protects against predators.

Why is coupling up with a partner important? Because reproduction improves the likelihood of survival of the species.

So where does humor fit in?

Researchers Erika Langley and Michelle Shiota created six studies designed to determine whether humor could be a sign of something more important.

Behind a good sense of humor is intelligence, creativity, the likelihood of sharing similar worldviews, and sociality—the tendency to form groups and communities, thus increasing the likelihood of survival.

In one study, participants were asked to read a hypothetical first date description containing or lacking a humorous moment. They then rated how much they enjoyed their (hypothetical) date and what character traits they believed their suitor possessed.

Funny partners were believed to be more creative than nonfunny (hypothetical) partners, regardless of whether the suitor was expected to fill a short-term sexual spot in the individual's life or had the potential to be a longer-lasting relationship.

Humor in online dating was also an indication of more creatively planned dates. Funny people were also thought to be more socially adaptable than others.

It appears that humor, creativity, and social adaptability go hand in hand in the minds of most people looking for a suitor.

There is also a high correlation between humor and intelligence—and who doesn't want a smart man or woman standing next to you when life gets tough?

Humor often requires the same skills as problem-solving: You have to think outside the box to make new connections. You also have to balance the fine line between tasteful and crass. Funny people frequently have high intellectual and emotional intelligence, which helps to make strong social connections.

How can humor improve your love life?

1. Infuse your relationship with daily or weekly injections of laughing with your partner—especially if the two of you are going through a tough time. Find a new comedy to stream or watch old videos of the two of you. Laughter is easy to find if you're looking for it.
2. Make a point of trying to make your partner laugh at least once a day. It will help prepare you both for the challenges life presents.
3. Make your bad day better by finding a way to laugh when things go wrong. Comedy and tragedy often go hand in hand when it comes to those days you feel as if you shouldn't have gotten out of bed.
4. Be spontaneously silly. A large part of humor is the unexpected punchline.
5. Don't be afraid to find laughter through your tears—and encourage your partner to do the same.

After all, if laughter can save your relationship, isn't it worth a try?