Two words to avoid when making your New Year's resolution

"New Year, New You" messages are everywhere right now.

Adverts for gym and diet plans pop up in your socials and back-to-work chat turns to what everyone is cutting out, taking up or finally getting right in January.

Yet most New Year's resolutions don't last. Many of us will have abandoned our goals by mid-January.

But this year can be different. We've asked some experts for their tips on how to make - and keep - your New Year's resolutions.

1. Be realistic

Will 2026 be the year you'll "lose weight", "change career" or "move house"?

Beware - these are not actionable plans, they're pressure statements, warns Dr Claire Kaye, a former GP and confidence coach.

Resolutions often fail because they are unclear, unrealistic and too broad, she says.

She advises writing down what's working in your life, what's draining you or no longer fits, and where are you running on autopilot.

"When you understand what you want more of, not just what you want to escape, change becomes far more sustainable," she says.

Write down your goals focusing on "direction and experience rather than a fixed point".

She suggests "Lose weight" can be reframed as: "I want to feel more energised and comfortable in my body, and understand what helps me feel that way."

Instead of "change career", it could be: "I want to explore what work gives me energy and meaning, and identify one small step towards more of that."

2. Don't use these two words

Another thing to avoid when writing down your goals is fixed language like "always" or "never", says psychologist Kimberley Wilson.

It creates an all-or-nothing approach that is extremely hard to stick to.

Promising yourself "I'll always go for a run on a Wednesday" or "I'm never drinking again" just sets you up for a fall.

"A classic example is around diet or exercise and people think that if they mess up one day then the whole thing is pointless," she tells BBC's What's Up Doc podcast.

She says people can develop tunnel vision, judging a single choice in isolation, when what's needed is a wider perspective that puts one moment into the context of many.

Dr Kaye says goals should be written with flexible phrasing such as "I want to experiment with", "I want to create more space for" or "I'm learning what works for me when".

3. Plan for relapse

You've been so good for weeks then one missed run, one takeaway, one late night and suddenly your winning streak is over and you feel defeated.

The reason why some resolutions fail is because "people make plans for their best selves", says Wilson.

"They are not prepared for being up late or having a hard day at work and at that point they don't have a plan to put into practice," she says.

Wilson says it's important to accept relapse as part of the process - it doesn't mean you've failed as persistence matters more than perfection.

Dr Kaye says it's important to remember "the goal isn't to be perfect, it's to avoid turning one moment into a full abandonment of the plan".

If you slip up, "the most helpful response is curiosity rather than criticism" and instead of waiting for the following week or next month to start again, you should treat every day as a reset.

4. Stack your habits

One way to help your New Year's resolutions succeed is a technique known as "habit stacking" where you link a new behaviour to something that is already part of your daily routine, says career coach Emma Jefferys.

"So for example, after I brush my teeth, I'll do ten push-ups. After I pour my wine, I'll write for ten minutes. After I put my kids to bed, I'll stretch," she says.

"You're not adding more to your plate, you're weaving the new behaviour into the architecture of what you already do."

Rather than relying on motivation alone, Jefferys says curating your environment for success can also make a big difference.

"So, if you want to read more, then keep the book on your pillow so you have to move it before bed," she says.

5. Make it positive

If your New Year's resolution is to save more or budget better, experts say it's more likely to stick if it's tied to something positive.

Tom Francis, head of personal finance at Octopus Money, says "having a clear and exciting goal whether that's a holiday or an emergency fund makes saving feel purposeful rather than restrictive".

He also says it's important to not try and change too much as that's rarely sustainable.

"Pick just two or three clear priorities - for example, saving £1,200 towards a dream holiday might feel overwhelming, but £100 a month feels achievable," he says.

If you have an unexpected expense it's ok to slow down, he says.

"Reducing a monthly saving from £100 to £20 for example would still mean you are moving forward and what matters most is keeping the habit alive."