"What happens to you doesn't have to define you" - Jersey Evening Post
by Julien Morel · Jersey Evening PostPosted inNews
“What happens to you doesn’t have to define you”
by Julien Morel 19 May 202619 May 2026
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A MEDICAL student who lost all four limbs to sepsis after contracting Meningitis B last year received a standing ovation on Saturday when she told her story in front of a packed audience at the Arts Centre.
24-year-old Lily McGarry shared her powerful testimony and reflections on what she has learned at a TEDx event, which is a Jersey-organised version of the global movement by which speakers share thoughts, experiences and ideas.
Last January, former Jersey College for Girls student and aspiring triathlete Lily was in her third year of studies at Cardiff University when her life changed forever.
After contracting the bacterial infection, her health rapidly deteriorated: her heart stopped for 20 minutes and amputating her arms and legs was the only option to save her young life.
Just over a year later, Lily guided her wheelchair onto the stage at the Arts Centre to tell her story, without any notes, and share what the experience – beyond the comprehension of most – has taught her.
She said that some people – but only a minority – still did not know how to act or speak around her but she did not blame them at all.
She said: “I think that disability forces us to confront something that we spend our whole lives trying to avoid: the fact that this could happen to any one of us, that life is fragile, that our bodies are not permanent, and that independence is not guaranteed.
“I think this is why disability is still an uncomfortable subject, not because disabled people are uncomfortable to be around, but because it reflects something people don’t want to imagine.
“But having a disability does not erase who you are. Yes, it forces you to adapt, of course, but I’m still adventurous when I can be. I still love nature, I love my family and friends now more than ever, and I still care for others, even though that looks differently now.
“Mentally, I still feel like the same person I was before. That’s actually part of the problem, because my brain wakes up every morning and tells me I can just roll out of bed and walk to the toilet, and then I remember I don’t have feet. I have quite a dark sense of humour.
“It is hard to describe what it is like to live in a body where your mind and your physical capabilities don’t match. It’s like your brain is stuck in the old version of your body.”
Lily then shared with the audience the challenge of making a cheese and pickle sandwich – an innocuous task for many but which presented another character-building mountain to climb.
After overcoming the many obstacles of making the sandwich and ready to finally eat it, Lily recalled that the cheese then fell out.
She reflected: “It did make me think about how there’s a fine line between determination and stubbornness. I’ve slowly accepted that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is accept help.
“We treat independence as the ultimate goal; I used to believe that too. I thought that needing help meant losing my dignity, and yes, it’s hard to feel like a burden, but when your independence is taken away overnight, you see it differently.
“You realise that strength isn’t just what you can do alone. Sometimes it is accepting care and trusting those around you. The truth is, I am so fortunate to be surrounded by an incredible community of people who genuinely care and want to help me, so I want to change people’s thoughts about requiring help. It’s not something to be ashamed of.
“In fact, I think it strengthens human connection, something that I fear we might be losing in the 21st century.
“I’m not going to lie to you: moments in this journey have been incredibly challenging, to say the least. There have been moments that are heartbreaking for me and my loved ones, but there have also been moments which are hilarious, and for me personally, humour has been a powerful healing tool.”
She then recounted the story of one of her carers being soaked by a fancy all-singing, all-washing toilet which fired water like a hose at the wrong time.
Lily said: “I expected her to be angry, but instead we both ended up in stitches of laughter. This moment was key because it really made me feel human again, reminding me that life can still be funny, even in tragic moments.”
She added: “Another huge part of adapting has been learning to deal with my new body image because I am still a young woman, and sadly, we live in a society where we are continuously surrounded by edited pictures of unrealistic beauty standards.
“After a disease which has left scarring everywhere but my chest, I am now living in a body which society might decide is wrong or ugly. I have slowly accepted that self-worth knowing comes from knowing who you are and being proud of that person rather than looking perfect.
“I have had to learn this in the most intense way possible. In March, I was really pleased when my skin grafts finally healed, and I was allowed to go in the pool for the first time.
“After months of waiting, I had expected to be really excited about this opportunity, but when the first session came around, I was filled with dread, and you would think that after surviving what I had survived, you would no longer sweat the small stuff, but I was overthinking everything, imagining how I would look in a swimsuit, being hoisted into a pool, no longer being able to swim like I used to. I built it up in my head until it felt unbearable.
“The thing is, as soon as I got into the water, I had an overwhelming sense of freedom. I could float for the first time in months. Nothing was touching my body, no wheelchair, no pressure, no weight, no floor, just water, and I could swim. All of the insecurities faded away as I realised that feeling proud of what my body is capable of is way better than feeling sexy in a swimsuit.”
She continued: “One of the most profound things about this experience is that it has taught me how unpredictable life is. Because the worst thing that ever happened to me was something I never even worried about.
“It was sudden, it was random, and it changed everything instantly, so now while I still worry about the small things, I try to think differently. I soak up every moment I get with my family. I enjoy the feeling of sunlight on my face.
“Laughing with my friends has never felt so good. I realise this time I have time away from work, time away from study is such a privilege, but it has taught me something priceless, that these seemingly ordinary moments are not ordinary.
“In fact, I think they are what life’s about, rather than all these big goals that we have a habit of striving towards.”
Lily also reflected on the importance of kindness.
She said: “During my time in hospital, I saw extraordinary kindness hundreds of healthcare professionals fought tirelessly to keep me here, giving up time weekends, nights with their own families to keep me alive, and even after discharge I’ve been surrounded by a wonderful community of incredible carers, inspiring charity workers, and the best fitness coaches who’ve worked tirelessly to help me rebuild my strength and confidence.
“With all the negativity that society faces, it’s these people, often underpaid, undervalued, and exhausted, who deserve so much respect. I wouldn’t be the positive person I am today without the wonderful people around me: my family, my friends.
“The power of human connection is enormous. I want to urge anyone here today who feels lonely or like they don’t have the right support system to know that you deserve one.
“You deserve people who show up for you, and asking for help is not weakness; it is how we survive.
“So, yes, my life changed overnight, but I’m still me, and I need to tell you that what happens to you does not have to define you, it’s how you adapt to it that does. Don’t save love for later, don’t wait to live your life. No one has unlimited time, and we don’t know what’s around the corner, but we do get to choose how we respond.”
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