Why I Prefer to Eat My Lunch Alone

JLI’s Living Jewish series: It’s not that I’m antisocial. In fact, I’m quite social. But sometimes I just need to sit by myself, pop in my earbuds, and tune in to a podcast.

This article is brought to you by the editorial team of JLI’s Living Jewish series, which has recently released The Complete Guide to Keeping Kosher, as previously reported on COLlive. 

My lunch at the office is whatever my wife packed from last night’s leftovers. My coworkers, on the other hand, are creatures of habit—they eat the same yogurt granola and cheese toasts every day. Some days I can happily pull up a chair. Other days I’m the outlier with a meaty leftover, and I take my plate to an empty corner and let Rabbi Dinerman’s podcast keep me company. Today, though, I left my earbuds at home. And of course, today I’ve got a container of chicken and quinoa salad. So now what? Do I really have to sit alone in silence?

The good news is that there are options. But first, let’s understand the issue.

What’s the problem with eating my meaty lunch at the dairy office table?

Chazal instituted a rabbinic prohibition against two people eating milchig and fleishig at the same table. The concern is that someone might absentmindedly reach over and take a bite of the other person’s food and end up inadvertently consuming meat with dairy.

Interestingly, this concern is unique to meat and dairy. An observant Jew may sit at the same table as a non-Jew eating nonkosher food because we’re naturally on guard against nonkosher items. With meat and dairy, though, each one is permitted on its own, and since you’re used to sharing with friends, it’s easier to slip up.

So besides sitting with my non-Jewish coworkers, what are my options?

Several. If any one of the following applies, you’re permitted to eat together:

• The two of you are seated far enough apart that you can’t reach each other’s plates.
• You’re each eating on your own place mat.
• You wouldn’t feel comfortable helping yourself to the other person’s food anyway (which can apply with coworkers you don’t know well).
• You place a heker—a reminder object—on the table between you.

What counts as a heker?

The heker has to be either something unusual for the table or something moved from its normal position, and it has to be of noticeable height. It could be a coworker’s fidget toy parked between you, a stapler grabbed from a nearby desk, or even a tissue box turned on its side. The point is that it catches your eye and reminds you that someone across from you is eating the opposite type.

What if I ate fleishigs earlier and now I just want to grab a pareve snack at their table?

If you’re within the six-hour waiting period after eating meat, you can still sit at the same table as someone eating dairy, as long as you yourself are only eating pareve food. The prohibition is about two people actively eating opposing types—not about who ate what earlier in the day.

What if I missed lunch so I’m eating alone, but there’s leftover Rosh Chodesh cheesecake on the table?

Even when you’re by yourself, you shouldn’t eat meat at a table with dairy items on it. Clear off the dairy before you start. If for some reason you can’t move it, you can still eat the meat as long as the dairy items are far enough away to be out of reach.

So next time you walk into the lunchroom with leftover schnitzel and everyone else has pizza, you don’t have to retreat to the corner. Slide your briefcase (or whatever’s around) to the middle of the table, sit down, and join the conversation.

The first volume of Living Jewish: The Complete Guide to Keeping Kosher is available now at Hamafitz and Judaica World. 

If you have a question you’d like to submit, email us at livingjewish@myjli.com.

Note: The Halachic rulings in this article were reviewed by Bais Hora’ah Chabad.

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