Why I Said No to My Daughter’s Concert Request

From the COLlive inbox: A Crown Heights mother explains why she turned down her daughter’s request to attend a concert by a famous Israeli singer in New York this week.

By a mother

When my high-school-aged daughter came to me and asked if she could go to a concert of a famous Israeli singer this week in New York, my first instinct was to say yes.

Think of it: The Barclays Center, filled with Yidden! What a Kiddush Hashem!

But almost as quickly as that thought came, I realized that this was not a Kiddush Hashem and this was not the place for my daughter.

Instead, we went to the Ten Yad concert last night. Someone gifted us seats at a table right by the VIPs, and I loved every minute of it. The ambiance was incredible! The men on their side, dancing; the women on our side, moving to the music. All of it was done in such a beautiful manner, allowing us to have fun without compromising our values. (A huge shout-out to the committee, who did an extraordinary job creating a wonderful night out!)

In contrast, I later heard that the concert my daughter wanted to go to wasn’t in line with Halacha, hashkafa, and our way of life.

Sure, the singer (whom I won’t name because the point isn’t to embarrass him at all) sang “Am Yisrael Chai” or made a bracha on stage, but that doesn’t suddenly make everything else okay. Just because he’s singing some songs that are Jewish, that doesn’t mean it’s a Jewish concert. Singing “VeHakadosh Baruch Hu Matzilenu Miyadam,” doesn’t make it it a Jewish concert. Singing “Am Yisrael Chai” doesn’t make it a Jewish concert.

Most of his songs have nothing to do with Yiddishkeit. The mixed seating, the girls and boys singing at the top of their lungs together, and the overall atmosphere aren’t frum. The singer may be a mitchazek (someone becoming closer to Yiddishkeit), but he isn’t there. He’s not frum, and his hashkafos do not align with ours.

Just because someone is Israeli, or Jewish, does not automatically mean that their music or lifestyle aligns with our value system. Fun fact: it doesn’t.

I heard a woman came out on stage and sang with him. I can assure you she was not dressed in a manner that inspired yiras shamayim.

As a mother, I have a responsibility to make a decision about whether or not my daughter should be exposed to this environment.

I know I am not the only mother dealing with a very upset teenager tonight. I am not the only mother who will have to console her daughter because she won’t be joining the girls who are going. I am actually one of the lucky ones. I recognized what was really going on and made an informed decision before it was too late.

But how many parents are blissfully unaware of this metzius?

Please don’t tell me that you are supporting Israel by allowing your child to attend this concert. You may be supporting a fellow Yid’s parnassa, but at what expense? Is it worth the expense of your child’s neshama?

Please, Mommies and Tatties, be careful about what you allow your children to attend and participate in. Not everything wrapped in Jewish pride is necessarily in line with Torah values. And it is our responsibility as parents to know the difference.

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