Can the Terrible Boyfriends of Famous Women Stop Ruining Non-Monogamy for the Rest of Us?

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As a woman in an ethically non-monogamous relationship with a man who is not an evil moron, I’ve spent more than my share of time trying to convince people that not all non-monogamous men are evil morons who just use non-monogamy as an excuse to cheat with impunity. This has become an increasingly difficult stance to defend in recent months, however, because public-facing men keep using non-monogamy to be evil and moronic to their famous wives and girlfriends.

The most recent and buzzworthy instance of a man allegedly misusing non-monogamy comes to us via the news of Megan Thee Stallion and Klay Thompson’s breakup. In a bombshell post to her Instagram Story on Saturday, Megan accused Klay of cheating and slammed her ex for seemingly expressing misgivings about monogamy:

“Cheating, had me around your whole family playing house...got ‘cold feet’…Holding you down through all your HORRIBLE mood swings and treatment towards me during your basketball season now you don't know if you can be “monogamous”???? Bitch I need a REAL break after this one … bye yall,” she wrote.

Now, it’s hard to say what exactly went down here from this somewhat cryptic post. But as far as I can tell, it seems like Megan is suggesting Klay got caught cheating and pulled the ‘I just don’t know if I can do monogamy’ card as an excuse. At the very least, the post seems to suggest that Klay made an appeal to non-monogamy in an attempt to justify, pardon, or permit some kind of behavior that Megan considers relationship-ending.

I’m mad that men appear to be weaponizing the concept of ethical non-monogamy in a decidedly unethical way.

Of course, we don’t know for sure what really happened, but either way, it’s safe to say no one is particularly pleased with Klay at the moment, including me. Megan stans—and also pretty much the entire internet, really—have swiftly leapt to her defense, absolutely dragging Klay’s allegedly unfaithful ass on social media. But while most fans are justifiably outraged at Klay for the (again, alleged) cheating, I, personally, am more annoyed about the monogamy part.

To be clear, I’m not mad that anyone may or may not want to be monogamous—Klay may very well actually want to explore ethical non-monogamy, which is something anyone is within their right to do; I’m mad that he’s doing it wrong. Specifically, I’m mad that he appears to be weaponizing, or at least misusing, the concept of ethical non-monogamy in a decidedly unethical way and giving it a bad name in the process.

The idea that “men just use non-monogamy as an excuse to cheat” is one of the most annoying, misinformed, and persistent things I hear from monogamous people as a woman in a non-monogamous relationship, so I really don’t love that the monogamists have been given apparent evidence that men do, in fact, use non-monogamy to cheat!

Please stop using non-monogamy to be terrible in literally the exact way everyone expects non-monogamous men to be terrible.

Moreover, I’m mad that this makes Klay yet another in a series of men to make headlines in recent months for appropriating the practice and/or language of ethical non-monogamy in misrepresentative ways that only reinforce the stigma and misconceptions surrounding it. Back in November, Lily Allen’s West End Girlgave listeners the general impression that she was coerced into an open marriage by her ex-husband, David Harbor, who then ultimately still wound up cheating on her. And last month, Lindy West’s new memoir, Adult Braces, led many readers to the belief that West, too, has been coerced into a non-monogamous marriage by a selfish husband who just wants to have his cake and eat it too (although it’s worth noting that West herself denies this).

The idea that ethical non-monogamy is something men force their female partners into for a free pass to cheat is one of the most glaring misconceptions about heterosexual non-monogamy—one that, frankly, I find rather insulting as a woman in a healthy, loving, deeply rewarding non-monogamous relationship that I have willingly entered! So if everyone’s loser husbands/boyfriends could please stop using non-monogamy to be terrible in literally the exact way everyone expects non-monogamous men to be terrible, that would be great.