These 7 Tips Will Have You Making Out Like a Really, Really Good Kisser

What Is Making Out, Exactly?

There's just something about a really good makeout session. The anticipation, the butterflies, the whole forgetting-what-you-were-doing-because-suddenly-you're-making-out-again thing. Whether you're gearing up for your first kiss or you've been kissing the same person for a decade, knowing how to make out (and make it really good) is a skill worth having. Because sure, kissing might seem pretty straightforward, but there's a little more to it than pressing your lips against someone else's and hoping for the best.

For starters, what exactly are you supposed to do with your tongue? Where do your hands go? How do you know if the person you're kissing is actually enjoying themselves? And if you've been with your partner for years, how do you bring back those can't-keep-your-hands-off-each-other makeout sessions instead of treating kissing like a mandatory pit stop on the way to sex?

The good news is that you don't need a signature move or some elaborate technique to be a great kisser. According to Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, relationship therapist and sexologist, the best kissers are the ones who actually pay attention to their partners. Ahead, we asked sex and relationship experts for their best tips on how to make out, from French kissing and figuring out what to do with your hands to avoiding the biggest kissing mistakes. Because a little more making out never hurt anybody.

Think of making out as kissing, but with a little more time, tongue, and enthusiasm. Unlike a quick peck on the lips, making out typically involves longer, more passionate kissing, often with some French kissing, touching, and getting up close and personal.

“A kiss is something you do; making out is an experience you settle into,” says Wildilisa Moronta, sex expert at Taimi. Making out can involve everything from kissing your partner's neck to running your hands through their hair, but the whole point is to enjoy the experience rather than rush toward whatever comes next.

And while a makeout session can absolutely lead to sex, it doesn't have to. As Dr. Joy explains, making out creates space to explore each other's rhythm and desire without automatically promising that anything else will happen.

How to Make Out: 7 Tips for Better Kissing

So, how do you actually make out with someone without overthinking every move? From figuring out the whole tongue situation to knowing where the hell to put your hands, here's how to take your kissing game from pretty good to please don't ever stop doing that.

Start slow and build anticipation.

We get it. You're excited, they're hot, and you want to get right to the good stuff. But when it comes to making out, a little restraint can make things so much hotter. Start with soft, lingering kisses, gradually part your lips, and let things build naturally instead of immediately going all in with your tongue.

“Begin more slowly than your excitement may prefer. Let anticipation participate,” says Dr. Joy. Don't be afraid to linger over those first few kisses or pull back for a second before going in for another. After all, half the fun is making them want more.

Know what to do with your tongue.

Ah, yes. The tongue situation. French kissing can be ridiculously hot, but the key is knowing when to introduce a little tongue and when to dial it back. Start by gently parting your lips and lightly brushing your tongue against your partner's. If they're into it, gradually deepen the kiss, alternating between tongue and regular lip-to-lip action rather than keeping your tongue in their mouth the entire time.

“The best rhythm is usually a combination of lips and tongue, rather than continuous tongue from beginning to end,” says Moronta. Follow your partner's lead, pay attention to how they respond, and remember that more tongue doesn't automatically mean a better kiss.

Put your hands to good use.

Your mouth might be doing most of the work, but don't leave your hands out of the fun. Run your fingers through your partner's hair, cup their face, wrap your arms around their waist, or pull them a little closer. You can also let your hands wander as things heat up, provided you're both into it.

“Your hands can go to their face, neck, waist, back, or into their hair—wherever feels natural and welcome,” says Angie Rowntree, board-certified sexologist and founder of Sssh.com. Just remember that making out isn't an automatic invitation to touch every inch of someone's body. If you're not sure whether your partner wants you to take things further, a simple “Can I touch you here?” goes a long way.

Switch up your pace and pressure.

Nobody wants to be kissed the exact same way for 20 minutes straight. Mix things up by alternating between soft, slow kisses and deeper, more passionate ones. Try changing the angle of your head or gently kissing your partner's lower lip. Sometimes a little teasing is even hotter than going full throttle.

“Think in waves, not a staircase,” says Moronta. “A make-out session doesn’t have to travel in one straight line from mild to aggressive.” Instead, let the intensity build, ease off, and build again. A lingering kiss followed by a playful little pause? Extremely effective.

Pay attention to your partner's reactions.

Being a good kisser isn't just about what you're doing. It's also about noticing what the person you're kissing is into. Are they pulling you closer, matching your pace, or leaning in for more? Excellent signs. If they're pulling away, going still, or not reciprocating, it's time to slow down and check in.

“You are not performing a kiss at someone. You are creating it together,” says Dr. Joy. And while body language can tell you plenty, there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking what feels good. A breathless “Do you like that?” or “Want more?” can be pretty damn hot in its own right.

Don't forget to breathe (and take breaks).

Unless your goal is to pass out mid-makeout (please don't), remember to come up for air every once in a while. Take a second to catch your breath, get comfortable, or simply enjoy being close to the person you're kissing. You can smile, laugh, whisper something in their ear, or just hang out with your foreheads touching for a minute.

And don't worry about ruining the moment by taking a break. Little pauses give both people a chance to breathe and anticipate what comes next, explains Dr. Joy. Your lips don't need to be permanently attached for a makeout session to be hot.

Make it your own instead of following a script.

Here's the thing: There's no universal kissing technique that's guaranteed to make someone weak in the knees. Some people love a little lip biting, others prefer slow, lingering kisses, and some are all about the tongue. The fun part is figuring out what gets both of you going, so don't be afraid to experiment, switch things up, and tell your partner what you like, too.

“There's no prescribed ‘make-out formula,’” says Rowntree. “Especially with a new partner, part of the adventure is discovering what kind of kisser they are and experiencing the chemistry that develops uniquely between the two of you.” In other words, stop worrying about whether you're doing it right and focus on what feels good for both of you.

Common Makeout Mistakes to Avoid

Even the hottest makeout session can take a turn when someone gets a little too enthusiastic with their tongue or forgets that kissing is supposed to be a two-person activity. In fact, some of the biggest kissing mistakes include going too hard too fast, using excessive tongue or saliva, keeping the same pace the entire time, and getting so caught up in your own technique that you forget to pay attention to your partner.

Also, it should go without saying, but please brush your teeth. Fresh breath, clean teeth, and comfortable lips can make a pretty big difference when you're about to spend an extended period of time with your mouth on someone else's.

Another biggie? Assuming a passionate kiss gives you permission to do whatever you want with the rest of your body. “If you’re just hooking up with someone at a party, don’t assume their boundaries are the same as yours,” says Rowntree. That includes things like biting, leaving hickeys, or touching intimate areas without checking that your partner is into it.

Does Making Out Have to Lead to Sex?

Absolutely TF not. Making out can be foreplay, sure, but it can also be the entire event. You can kiss someone for hours, get all hot and bothered, throw in a little dry humping if you're both into it, and then simply...stop. No grand finale required. In fact, taking the expectation of sex off the table can make kissing even more enjoyable because you're focused on the moment instead of worrying about where things are headed.

“I think the art of making out has been lost, especially in long-term relationships,” says Moronta. “Couples often stop making out unless it’s being used as a signal that intercourse is about to happen.” But as she points out, making out and dry humping can be incredibly pleasurable sexual experiences in their own right, even leading to orgasm for some people. Her advice? Bring back those spontaneous makeout sessions before work, before bed, or whenever the mood strikes, without feeling obligated to take things further. Outcourse can be just as hot, folks.

Of course, if you do want to have sex afterward, cool. But sometimes you just want to kiss someone until your lips hurt, and that is a perfectly respectable way to spend an evening.