Dementia Diary – Chapter 109

Why Look At The Statistics?

Forgot your cellphone? The name of your husband’s medication? Whether you bought sugar last week or not? A lunch date with friends? Oops!

The chances are that if you are approaching 70 years of age or over, you may have already asked Google for the warning signs of dementia and what the odds are that you will be included in one of the statistics you have read.

Of course, it is not just about you or me. It is about our spouses, our siblings, our parents, our friends, and even our grandparents. With 55 million people currently suffering from dementia across the globe, the best research in these statistics, probably comes from the USA. The conclusions from the NIH and university studies are rather shocking: 1 in 7 Americans over the age of 70 has some form of dementia. That equates to 13.9 % of the age spread. When we get to the ever increasing much older population, the numbers skyrocket to 37.4% over the age of 90.

The statistics are important because without them, medications would not be developed for the condition nor would assistance be prioritized for those who must care for their loved ones. They are also critical so that we have a realistic view of aging and its complexities.

When I share with others that I have created my new website, thedementiadiary.com, there is always the response that the other participant in our conversation knows someone or has been caring for a family member with this condition. Very often experiences are shared about the passing of a loved one who was cared for through their dementia years. There is rarely a family without a connection to this intense experience.

When we were young, we never believed that we would one day be 70 years of age, much less over 90. It all arrives too quickly. One day we wake up and wonder who the person staring back at us in the bathroom mirror, might be. I can say with authority that we all secretly believe that the mirror is defective and must be returned for a refund as soon as possible. Does anyone make a “younger” mirror that would reflect our image as we see ourselves in our mind’s eye? I am having start-up fantasies as I write these words.

Early onset dementia is rare. When it hits people in their fifties and sixties the disruption to families is beyond description. It is actually no easier for those dealing with it later in life. I do try to describe the experience with each chapter that I write. For couples in middle-age who face the challenges of one partner having dementia, the damage to the family unit is astronomical. Careers are sometimes interrupted, expenses soar, social lives are stymied. Friends and sometimes even family begin to absent themselves from the couple’s life. It is a tragedy at any age.

The extra complications when dementia and old age are in-tandem creates a web of issues which must be untangled daily. My life with Hubby who is 95 was just beginning to feel under control. We had the medications working well. He was content most of the time. He was holding his own. We have a live-in caregiver and Hubby goes three times a week to adult daycare activities. I was just beginning to get my life back. But of course, I was fooling myself. Each day that arrives brings new issues for the elderly, even without the dementia.

Hubby was having trouble walking to the taxi waiting at the end of our block. We live on a walking street in a historic neighborhood where cars cannot come to our doors. We solved that challenge with a wheelchair. He has been able to go up the twelve stairs from the sidewalk to the parking lot, with assistance. Two days ago, while he was walking up those self-same stairs, his knees buckled. His legs could not support him. He was fainting and we were trying to keep him from falling down the stone stairs. Was he having a stroke? He was breathing but unable to move a limb or help us to stabilize him.

Where does dementia end and old age begin? Is it his medications that are causing this problem? If so, which medications? The balancing act which we perform daily becomes unhinged when the unexpected occurs.

The dementia patient, especially the older ones, eventually, become quite frail. They have no interest in eating or drinking. We encourage them and devise ways around the problem in order to keep them alive. They won’t drink? Try popsicles, or watermelon, Jello, or soups. We are clever people. We can figure something out, can’t we? Still, the patient’s assistance is required. If they refuse to eat or drink, there is very little which we can do. They can become intransigent when the mood hits them!

Hubby had become dehydrated from a diuretic he was taking (prescribed after fluid collected in the lungs and around the heart). The doctor believes that a lack of an intake of fluids further depleted him and the extreme heat of summer was the straw that broke the camel’s back!

For patients with these issues, even normal sweating will rob their bodies of needed fluid. The heart, lungs and brain all need fluids to function properly. Hubby’s body rebelled. At times like this one cannot help but think that the end is near. He later was revived with air conditioning and liquids. Later in the day he was once again singing with his group at the Melabev day care as if nothing unusual had happened to him. I, however was thoroughly drained and felt ill the entire day from the shock of the experience.

Of course, this frail being, has other issues which intersect the dementia. Heart damage, dehydration, and sometimes the opposite; massive retention of fluid when the heart and lungs are not working properly. Either condition is extremely serious. The dementia compounds the physical issues because the patient does not understand that they themselves could improve their condition if only they could follow instructions. They are unable to help themselves. It all depends on those caring for their every need and every breath. It is a massive responsibility which overwhelms even the most competent and well-meaning individuals.

Explaining all of this to the patient is worthless, in this situation. The dementia mind does not grasp any of what we are saying and cannot help us in our attempt to make their lives better.

Statistics won’t help us to determine whether or not we will have dementia in the future. They will however indicate that there will be someone we care about, who will likely suffer from cognitive decline. We will be involved with their care or with their family and their needs. As we all are living longer, the statistics reflect what lays ahead. We never bargained for any of this, or imagined the impact it would have on our lives. What was once rare and occasional, has become a substantial and quite relevant issue in most families.

It is critical to open up the conversation and the understanding of this difficult condition for us all, because there are so many people who need us in their lives and they will depend upon our friendship and support. Statistics help us to put it all in perspective, and without that we are all at a loss.

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