Caregivers Need Care, Too: Birmingham Event Offers Support and Resources

By Javacia Harris Bowser | The Birmingham Times

Being a caregiver changes everything. That’s the first hard lesson Renee Brown Harmon learned when her husband Harvey was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in 2010 at age 50.

“Everything changes,” Harmon said. “My brain was always on what I needed to do, what Harvey needed to do.”

At the time, Harmon was also a working physician and raising two teenage daughters.

“It’s like mom brain, where you’re trying to corral your kids and know what all your kids are doing. It was just that on steroids,” Harmon said, “because not only was I thinking about what my kids needed to do, I was thinking about Harvey all the time.”

Harmon and others with lived experience as caregivers will share their stories during “When Caregiving Becomes Yours,” on Sunday, November 8 from 2:30 to 4:30 p.m. at the Alys Stephens Center. Hosted by Collat Jewish Family Services (CJFS), this community conversation seeks to raise awareness of the caregiving journey and offer practical guidance on navigating changing needs, managing caregiver stress, and finding support. The event will feature a panel discussion and clips from actor Bradley Cooper’s documentary “Caregiving.”

Caregiving affects us all

Collat Jewish Family Services, which offers services to improve quality of life and strengthen independence for older adults and their families regardless of ethnicity or religious beliefs, knows that caregiving affects all communities.

The Senior Alliance reports that more than 7 million caregivers in the United States identify as Black, and most of them are women. Black caregivers typically spend more time providing care–an average of 31.2 hours per week– and are more likely to take on caregiving responsibilities at a younger age. Additionally, many Black caregivers face unique barriers such as disparities in healthcare access, financial strain, and systemic racism within medical institutions.

Caregiving can be all-consuming and is constantly changing as your loved one’s condition evolves.

Caring for the caregivers

Pamela Leonard, senior director of programs for CJFS, has worked with older adults at CJFS in a variety of roles for over 20 years. Currently, she manages all CJFS direct service programs including counseling, transportation, socialization programs for those living with movement and memory disorders (which also allows respite for caregivers), and Senior Solutions, which offers personalized support for aging adults and their families.

“What we teach people is how to build a care team, and the number one thing we always say: join a support group, Leonard said. “CJFS has been leading caregiver support groups for over 25 years in the community.”

Caregivers need care too, Leonard stressed.

“It’s important to know that you’re not the only one going through this, and the other members can help validate that this is hard, and you can’t do it alone,” she said. “We teach our caregivers to never say no to an offer of help.”

The first year after her husband’s diagnosis, Harmon shared her experience with few people.

“But after that first year, I started sharing with more people,” she recalled. “Because I could be vulnerable, people would offer to help. I really rarely asked for help. That’s just out of my nature. But because my friends were just amazing, if I was vulnerable and shared what was going on at home, they would turn around and offer very concrete ways to help that particular thing I was sharing about.”

When she shared that she worried about her husband feeling isolated, one friend started a bowling group and took Harvey to the lanes once a week.  When Harmon expressed that she was exhausted by cooking after working all day, another friend stepped in and prepared meals. She even turned this into an activity for Harvey by taking him grocery shopping and getting him to help in the kitchen.

Leonard explained that caregiving not only takes a toll on caregivers financially and emotionally but can compromise their health as well. Harmon worked hard to prioritize self-care while caring for her husband. She found joy in audiobooks and monthly massages. She also enjoyed knitting or crocheting on the sofa in front of the television with Harvey by her side, and going for walks with him.

After 6 years, caring for Harvey at home became too much for Harmon to handle, and she made the tough decision of moving him to a memory care facility. This decision, however, didn’t harm her relationship with her husband; it helped it.

“They were there to provide the care and let me step back and be a wife again,” she said. “I didn’t feel burdened by all these tasks. I could just love him and just be with him.”

Harvey passed away in 2018. Harmon shares her journey of caring for her husband in her memoir “Surviving the Waves of Alzheimer’s: Principles of Caregiving That Kept Me Upright.” In her most recent book, “Life Hikes: Walking Through Loss to What Comes After,” she shares how she coped with the grief of losing her husband through the healing power of nature.

Resources in Birmingham and Beyond

At “When Caregiving Becomes Yours,” attendees will not only hear stories like Harmon’s but will also learn about resources available to caregivers in Birmingham and beyond, such as United Way’s Aging Services and Alabama Cares, a statewide support program managed by the Alabama Department of Senior Services and local Area Agencies on Aging. Representatives from Alzheimer’s of Central Alabama and the Parkinson’s Association of Alabama will also be on site.

Through its Senior Solutions program, CJFS sends social workers into the homes of aging adults to help caregivers develop a plan.

“When you’re already drowning in the day-to-day care, it’s very hard to make the phone calls and find out the resources and go on the internet and search out the things,” Leonard said. “So [our social workers] come into people’s homes, assess the situation and come up with what do we need right now to preserve this quality of life or to improve it, and then also what do we need to anticipate in the future.”

Harmon’s advice for caregivers is three-fold: “Number one, acknowledge how hard it is, and number two, find a support group and go even if you think you don’t need it,” she said. “Don’t be scared to ask for advice, ask for help, or to accept help. Continue to take care of yourself and your needs. You can do it, but it takes a village.”

When Caregiving Becomes Yours is Sunday, November 8, from 2:30 to 4:30 p.m. at Alys Stephens Center, 1200 10th Ave S, Birmingham, AL 35294. The event is free, but registration is required. To register and learn more, visit cjfsbham.org or call 205-879-3438.