Love & Lessons: Hot Girl Summer Is Over … And Cuffing Season Has Arrived

Hot girl summer is over. Hot boy summer is done too. While Birmingham may still be serving us temperatures that feel more like July than September, fall is on the horizon. Eventually, those long, hot days will turn into cooler evenings, earlier sunsets, and the kind of weather that makes staying in sound a lot better than going out.

When that happens, something else tends to happen, too.

You can almost see it coming. The summer vacations are winding down, the rooftop parties are slowing down, and the holiday calendar is starting to fill up. Before long, your social media timeline will be filled with couples at pumpkin patches, football games, holiday parties, and cozy dinners. Somebody will post their annual “my person” picture, and somewhere in the middle of all of it, that person you haven’t heard from since spring might suddenly appear in your phone with a simple, “Hey, stranger” text.

Welcome to cuffing season.

If you’ve never heard the term, cuffing season is the unofficial time of year when people become more interested in finding a romantic partner, usually as the weather gets colder and the holiday season approaches. To be “cuffed” means to be paired up or in a relationship with someone. The joke is that people want somebody to keep them warm, entertained, and accompanied through the fall and winter months.

It sounds funny, but there is some truth behind it.

There is something about cooler weather that can make companionship feel a little more appealing. Maybe it’s having someone to watch movies with on a Friday night. Maybe it’s having a date for Thanksgiving dinner or somebody to bring to the office holiday party, or it could simply be knowing there is someone you can call when the temperature drops and you would rather stay under the covers than leave the house.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things, but before you start trying to figure out who you’re going to cuff, I think we need to have a conversation about why you want to be cuffed in the first place.

Cuffing Season Can Be Complicated

If you’ve been following Love & Lessons, you know we’ve been building toward this conversation one column at a time.

We started with “The State of Dating in Birmingham,” where we looked at what dating actually looks like in our city and what singles are experiencing as they try to meet people and find meaningful connections. Then we moved into “Date for Data,” where I encouraged you to slow down and pay attention rather than making quick decisions based on a single date, conversation, or text message.

From there, we talked about red flags in “Are You Dating… or Just Collecting Red Flags?” because once you start paying attention, you must know what you’re actually looking at. Not every delayed text is a red flag, and not every uncomfortable moment means someone is toxic. Sometimes we make assumptions before we’ve given ourselves enough information to understand the person in front of us.

Then we turned the lens back on ourselves with “Are You Actually Ready for the Relationship You Say You Want?” because it’s easy to talk about what we want from another person without asking ourselves what we are prepared to bring into a relationship.

Now that we’ve done all of that, here comes the next part of the conversation. What happens when the weather gets cold and suddenly everybody wants somebody?

This is where cuffing season can get a little complicated.

Sometimes we don’t necessarily want a relationship; we don’t want to be alone.

Those are two very different things.

Maybe you had a great summer being single. You traveled, went out with friends, met new people, and enjoyed having the freedom to do whatever you wanted. Then September rolls around, the temperature starts dropping, and suddenly you start thinking about what it would be like to have somebody around.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but before you let the season create a sense of urgency, it’s worth asking yourself what you actually want.

If someone walked into your life tomorrow, would you want to build a relationship with them, or would you want someone to fill the space?

That question matters because cuffing season can make us overlook things we otherwise wouldn’t.

The person you weren’t interested in six months ago may suddenly seem more appealing because you’re lonely. The situationship you already knew wasn’t going anywhere might start to look like a reasonable option because at least there’s history. That ex you finally stopped thinking about might suddenly seem like a great idea when you realize you have nobody to bring to the holiday party.

Lessons to Remember

Loneliness has a funny way of making familiar people look like better options than they actually are. This is exactly why the lessons from our previous columns still matter.

If you’re dating someone this fall, continue to date for data. Pay attention to how they communicate, how they handle disappointment, how consistent they are, and how they treat you when things aren’t going perfectly. Don’t allow the excitement of finally having someone to make you stop observing.

While you’re paying attention to the red flags, remember to look for the green ones, too.

Maybe this person actually communicates with you instead of leaving you guessing; they follow through on what they say; they respect your boundaries; they make an effort without you constantly having to ask. Maybe the relationship feels calm instead of chaotic.

That last one can be difficult to recognize if you’re used to relationships that constantly keep you guessing.

The healthiest relationships can feel boring to people who are used to chaos. Sometimes peace feels unfamiliar, consistency can feel strange when you’re accustomed to inconsistency, and a person who doesn’t make you question where you stand with them might not create the same emotional highs and lows that you once confused with chemistry.

That doesn’t mean you should settle for someone you aren’t interested in. It simply means that healthy love may not always feel like a roller coaster.

Preparing for Cuffing Season

Preparing for cuffing season, then, isn’t really about finding someone as quickly as possible. It’s more about getting clear about yourself before someone comes along.

Know what you want, know what matters to you in a relationship, think about the things you’re willing to compromise on and the things you aren’t, and be honest about what you’re still working through. Perhaps most importantly, make sure you’re prepared to give the same things you’re asking someone else to give you.

If you want consistency, can you offer consistency?

If you want communication, can you communicate when you’re upset?

If you want emotional availability, are you emotionally available?

Those questions may not be as fun as deciding who you want to take to the holiday party. Still, they could save you from entering another relationship simply because the timing feels convenient. That brings us to what I think the real goal of cuffing season should be.

It shouldn’t be about finding somebody to make it through the winter with.

It should be about being open to finding somebody you would still choose when winter is over.

Eventually, the weather will warm back up, the coats will go back into the closet, the holiday decorations will come down, people will start making summer travel plans again, and the same person who seemed so important during the colder months will have to exist in your life when there is no seasonal reason to stay together.

That’s when you’ll know whether you found a cuff or something with real potential.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting someone during cuffing season. Some people will meet their future partner this fall. Others may discover that the person they thought was right for them isn’t. Both experiences can teach you something.

The key is not to let the season decide for you.

So, Birmingham, as we prepare for cooler temperatures, even if our weather refuses to cooperate just yet, maybe preparing for cuffing season should look a little different this year.

Instead of asking, “Who am I going to cuff?” ask yourself, “Who would I actually want to build something with?”

Instead of looking for someone to keep you company through the winter, be open to meeting someone who makes you want to keep choosing them long after the season ends.

Hot girl and hot boy summer may be over, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to settle down with just anybody.

Nicole Sade’ Daniel is an award-winning journalist, author, educator, and advocate for meaningful conversations around relationships and personal growth. Drawing from her background in communications and psychology, she explores modern dating, love, healing, and the experiences that shape how we connect with others. Learn more at nicolesade.com.