57 Valuable Lessons People Learned From Relationships
by Oleksandra Kyryliuk, Shelly Fourer · Bored PandaADVERTISEMENT
We all dream of finding our true love and building a future together with someone special. But relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, and it can take a lot of trial and error to figure out if we’re truly compatible with the person we choose.
To help others avoid the same mistakes, these Redditors have shared the most valuable lessons they’ve learned from their experiences. From hard-to-swallow truths to eye-opening realizations, read their advice below and upvote the posts you find most helpful!
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No answer is also an answer. If you want an answer from your partner and they cannot give that to you, it is often your cue to decide how to proceed.
theorangeblonde
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I can’t beg someone to love me.
Yummy2Taps
Trust your gut.
RyanM90
Don’t go back. You broke up for a reason.
schpreck
You can't change people.
Toxic people will destroy you and there is nothing you can do that will change that so leave as soon as possible.
SPQRtacus
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Sometimes, it is necessary to think about yourself and show some self-respect.
Dardevid
Don’t waste too much time on a relationship where the love doesn’t go both ways.
mlkrs_maria
I learned that the sweetest people can lie to your face. And that an alcoholic can still be destructive even when they aren't drinking.
knitwise
That people at times do terrible things, and that this doesn't necessarily make them good or bad. We are way more complex than that. This isn't an excuse; it doesn't mean you have to forgive or that you have to be forgiven; it doesn't mean you can just go around hurting others. It just means that, sometimes, you need to remember that you're dealing with a human being and all that implies.
kokomo662
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Learn when to cut your losses. Relationships should be a rewarding two-way street. Anything less is not a relationship. There's only so much "work" you can put into something before you have to let go.
itsadropbear
I am not compatible with a person who has BPD. No matter how much I might love her, if she's showing symptoms of self-harm, tumultuous relationship history, unstable sense of self, alternating between idealizing and devaluing me, loving me and then discarding me, blaming me for being angry when she behaves in those ways toward me, numbing/dissociating (either with or without the aid of alcohol), and believing that her apology obligates my forgiveness, it's not going to work.
Anishinaapunk
Chemistry doesn't equal compatibility, wit/intelligence don't equal maturity, if similar values/beliefs aren't aligned it’s doomed, a pretty face doesn't trump red flags, bad communication will bite you, don't date potential/people shouldn't be projects, if someone sleeps around while having few to no relationships, they're likely emotionally unavailable/have a hard time getting close/will sabotage, men might move fast just to sleep with you or to test your restraint/loyalty/if you're relationship material, bad relations with family will show you the sort of partner they'll be. Took me a long time to learn all this the hard way but better late than never.
MostHonest966
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If the relationship is hurting you, you can leave at any time you’re safely able to do so.
Those last five words are the most important.
TonyTornado
Do not take it for granted ever for a moment.
MysteriousFigure0
Communication is truly key, and that communicating will often beat away the negativity and overthinking that is drowning you, if your partner and you are a team against the issue. As someone who struggles with communicating heavy topics, I am still learning in my current relationship to not fear what my partner will say or do in response to what I bring up. 3 years together and still unlearning the traumas from past relationships. It's an uphill battle, but I genuinely think I've found the one to help me up that hill, and who I want to help in turn.
Dry-Statement-2146
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That I wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship I thought I was ready for yet.
Thank you, Connie. I hope it all worked out for you too.
I found the right one a few years later and we’re 34 years in.
Chad_Hooper
Forever doesn’t mean forever and unconditional doesn’t mean unconditional. You essentially have to hedge your bets and think, “if I put 15 years of my life into this person, would I still think it was worth it if it ends for no reason?”.
blindflames
If you tell your partner they've hurt you, and they respond by arguing rather than apologizing and changing their behavior, get out.
bellow_whale
That I never want to be in another one.
I prefer to have my own space. I don’t want to be answerable to anyone in my personal life. I don’t want to share anything or consider anyone’s desires and needs other than my own.
Selfish? Yes, but only because I’m so selfless that when I am in a relationship I devote myself to that man and I eventually begin to resent him for allowing me to run myself ragged trying to ensure everything is as he likes it and anticipate his needs and desires.
I’ve finally realized that I’m mentally and emotionally happier and more satisfied when I’m single.
MonitorOfChaos
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Have the "what are we" talk sometime *before* you bang, not after.
Lawlkitties
Do not give in to the sunk cost fallacy. Having been with someone for x number of years is not a reason to stay with them and continue being miserable. As far as we know, we get to live once. Don’t spend it placating someone else while you suffer.
TheRealGongoozler
That sometimes you can do everything right, & it can still end on their side.
th3_sauce
If they accuse you of cheating all the time, (without evidence) odds are good they’re projecting and cheating on you. I found out afterwards that she’d cheated with at least 3 guys I knew. .
photoguy423
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What they say and what they do says more about them than about you.
Never put more into the relationship than they are, especially at the beginning. They may just not be that into you and that's ok.
If they can't function as an adult and do their own basic chores, they're not an adult no matter what their age.
Momma's boys aren't worth it - if he doesn't stand up and defend you if his parent has a problem with you, he will always choose the parent over you. He's not worth fighting both him and her for. Ditto for women.
If they lay a hand on you, LEAVE. It will only escalate. Ditto if they have anger issues they refuse to address.
You can never fix anyone. Don't get into a relationship with their potential. If you can't love them as they are now, leave. It's not fair to either of you. You need a partner, not a project.
If they lie, ignore your boundaries, gaslight you, etc, they're not worth it. Life's too short to put up with someone who doesn't respect you.
Artist850
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Dont try to stay in an emotional and physically abusive relationship until your lease is up because you dont want to lose the money from a super high deposit.
nobeernocare
To make it through time, you have to put in effort. It takes work and time to hammer away at deficiencies to make you and your partner better over time. It takes work to focus on what’s wrong, dissect, and improve.
It’s not always romantic, but it kept us together all this time! Then the romance is deeper and easier when you align time and again.
meowae
That you never really know someone and that ignorance can really make a relationship last.
eTex75948
When it’s done, let it go.
I was going through a really bad break up while watching HIMYM and Ted Mosby was going to yell off his ex gf.
But then he didn’t.
“You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face, but there’s a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.”.
latruce
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Never let'em control you.
Verum_Sensum
Love alone is not enough. Not only do relationships need a commitment to each other in order to succeed, but a commitment to bettering yourselves as individuals and as a unit.
Still_Lion_9903
There’s worse things than being alone.
Ashitaka1013
When their contact with you is sporadic but they keep claiming it’s that they’re “busy,” they just aren’t that into you.
AdEastern3223
People got time for you until they don't....
Thoughtcriminal91
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It’s never you vs her. It’s you both vs the problem. If you can walk away with that, most of your fights will be fast.
415malaysian
Jealousy is a huge waste of time and energy.
headsplosions
The grass is greener where you water it.
-Kalos
Don't cut a tie with your friends just because she asking you to do so.
NervousAnt1152