5 Tips to Make Holidays Happy Even When There’s Addiction

Holidays are stressful. Don’t let a loved one's addiction spoil yours.

Reviewed by Margaret Foley

Key points

• One-third of Americans have been negatively impacted by another’s drinking.
• Inviting someone who is a problem drinker to a holiday celebration requires planning.
• Options include speaking directly to a loved one about their drinking or hosting an alcohol-free celebration.

By Patricia O’Gorman, Ph.D.

If someone in your family has a problem with alcohol, considering what to do during the holidays can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be; in fact, this can be your entrée to joining a national movement.

A recent study found that over 113 million Americans have been negatively affected by someone’s drinking. This may be a family member, neighbor, friend, or co-worker. Take in the fact that you’re not alone. What you may be facing is being experienced by many others.

So, what can you do?

1. Host an alcohol-free holiday celebration.

This is not as crazy as it sounds. You may not be able to control what your loved ones do, but you can influence them.

If you’re hosting an event, you can share that it will be alcohol-free.

You can expand your idea of what to ask family members and guests to bring by not just thinking of their sweet potato casserole but also inviting them to make and share a mocktail recipe you’ve been eyeing.

2. Speak directly to a loved one who is a problem drinker.

Consider what your goal is. If it is to have a loving Christmas, then realize you’re asking everyone not to drink for one day. That’s all.

And yes, this might be a big ask. But it’s also the holidays, and we are all encouraged to ask for what we want.

If an invited guest has a problem with excessive drinking, emphasize that this is a temporary request for this day. Asking them not to drink at this celebration can also help them realize they can stop, even if it is just for today.

Consider joking with them, saying that not drinking for this day can free them up to have treats in other ways, like chocolate for breakfast.

Importantly, realize that simply asking this can be a new beginning for them. This can give you an opportunity to thank them and perhaps even to share that it was great to see this fun part of them return, something that you’ve been missing, sending the message that they are not how they act under the influence.

Dr. Petros Levounis, a professor of psychiatry at the Rutgers Addiction Research Center, emphasizes that it is important to help your loved one “understand that you’re in it with them, that you don’t support the addiction but you support them.”

Be empathic and realize that no one wants to have an addiction.

This message alone can be a holiday gift.

3. Explore the expanding world of Sober Celebrations.

If you’re thinking along these lines, then keep going.

Right after December is January, and there is an expanding worldwide effort to have a Dry January. Last January over one-third of Americans kept it dry and reported not drinking any alcohol.

March celebrations include Sober St. Patrick's Day.

Then there’s Sober October.

Given these national trends, you can begin to broaden your thinking about how to impact your family and community further about alcohol use, expanding alcohol-free celebrations to include:

• High school wins at your kid’s school
• Religious celebrations, such as a Saint's Day at your church
• Birthdays in your home

Why?

Not because you’re against alcohol but because you realize that it is not necessary to have alcohol served to have a good time.

This not only supports those you care about who are struggling with their drinking but also demonstrates to your children that fun doesn’t require alcohol or, by extension, drug use.

4. Look into the growing movement of the Sober Curious.

Why is this important? Because speaking to the person you care about, asking them not to drink on this holiday, can be seen as an entry point for them to be part of a growing national trend of being curious about the benefits of being sober. This alone can help relieve some pressure, inviting them to look at their behavior differently.

5. Commit to your own self-care.

Caring about someone who drinks too much is stressful, which is why you should consider getting support for yourself. Al-Anon is one solution.

Al-Anon is a 73-year-old worldwide network of structured in-person and virtual mutual support groups specifically for those who are impacted by someone else’s use of alcohol.

Here, members are supported, but as incongruous as it sounds, they even learn to thrive because they realize they are not alone and are not to blame for the actions of someone they care about. A sense of community evolves, shame is reduced, and connections are made.

And it’s free, making this a nice way to begin the New Year.

Dr. Patricia O’Gorman is a clinical psychologist with a virtual practice, a trauma and addiction specialist, a life coach, the author of nine books and numerous articles, and a speaker who has presented internationally. She co-chairs the Hospital, Health, and Addictions work group (Trauma Division, American Psychological Association), is co-founder of The National Association for Children of Addiction, and is on the Board of the Sober St. Patrick’s Day Foundation.